Creating Healthy Habits.

“What are ways I can better myself?”
”How can I finally reach my goals?”
”Is it even possible?”
”Why does it feel like I am getting nowhere?”

Oh sweet friend, anything is possible including your dreams, goals and ambitions. Nothing is too big, too much or too distant for you to reach, achieve and maintain. I promise you that.

You start by creating healthy habits; habits that you stick with even when they seem redundant and time-consuming. And guess what? This may not be what you want to hear. This may not be what you came looking for but…creating healthy habits is NOT easy. Nothing worth having comes easy. You are going to have to put in some serious time, commitment and effort into making your life the most it can be. The most it should be. The most you deserve.

Every morning I wake up at 6:00 am (I know, WHAT THE HECK and also, healthy habit #1 being created here so keep reading). It was hard at first -not pushing snooze and saying, “forget it” and going back to bed. I did this on more than one occasion. But it soon started becoming a habit and I soon started seeing the benefits of waking up early. I felt more productive throughout the day and I was better able to prioritize my life. Who doesn’t want to get it all together and not feel rushed throughout the day?!

After waking up, I sit down with my cup of coffee and write down 5 things I am grateful for. It can be from the day before, it can be from just that morning or it can be whatever. There are no rules for this healthy habit #2. Starting your day with a grateful mind and heart can make a world of difference for you mind, body and spirit. You start to see the good in every day and your body begins to relax and ease into the day, knowing you have a life to be grateful for. No excuses either, every single morning.

Now that I have a grateful mind and heart, I create a positive intention for the day (hey, look at that healthy habit #3) -yes, a new one every single day. Something you want to work towards and be very mindful about throughout your day. Drink more water. Be kind to a stranger. Send an encouraging text. More positive self-talk. It can literally be anything. Again, there are NO rules.

So what next? Healthy habit #4 coming your way…I get moving with my exercise goal for the day. Currently, I am doing Morning Meltdown 100 through Beachbody. My friends and I have decided to challenge ourselves to 100 workouts in 100 days. Crazy right?! It’s wild but it’s been absolutely amazing and I have found myself excited every day for the next challenge ahead. Start with a small exercise routine or daily walk -whatever you want to do! There are no rules for this habit either. Start small and build your way up. Don’t get too crazy because that’s when you find yourself giving up because you put too much on your plate, you start to feel overwhelmed and say, “forget it”. Don’t do that to yourself.

Lastly, healthy habit #5…write out 3 things you want to accomplish for the day. Again, it can literally be anything. You know what you need to accomplish. You know what you’ve been putting off. You know what needs to get done. So do it. Three things may not seem like a lot but just like with exercising, if you overwhelm yourself by putting too much on your plate you are less likely to get it done. Start small and keep it small with this one. Accomplishing 3 small goals in one day is amazing. It’s something you can finally take off your to-do list and how great does that feel?!

Creating healthy habits can be hard, it can be taxing and it can be redundant but it’s so important if you are wanting to grow and progress in life. You can’t just sit on the sidelines and expect to get somewhere. Get out there and start playing your game!

This is your life and you are in control of it. Put in the work, time and effort. Nobody is going to do it for you and at the end of the day you must create the motivation needed, for yourself, and get it freakin’ done. You can do this. You are capable. You are worthy. Start today. Start now.

Helpful Tips and Tricks.

Summer days are here and it’s officially pool day, lake-side sitting, barbecue gathering time. And let’s be honest, it can be hard to stay on track with the new healthy lifestyle you have adopted. You see all the foods, sweets and drinks and suddenly everything you’ve worked for goes out the window. If you can’t relate, well congratulations you have reached a different level of commitment in your journey.

But if you are like me and get tempted easily when seeing all the goodness and need a little guidance on how to better stay on track, then you are in the right place.

I am human. When I see pizza, macaroni and cheese, fries, etc. I think, “just one bite”. But that one bite turns into 2, turns in 3, turns into I’ve eaten a whole pizza by myself. Hey! Don’t judge we’ve all been there. So, how do we not do that? How do we not ruin all the hard work and still be able to enjoy ourselves?

I am going to give you 5 simple steps to help you stay on track. You need to remember though, when following these steps you have to have your goals in mind, the power within yourself to say no (willpower) and a plan of action. So, here we go…

1. If I am going swimming or to a barbecue, I make sure to meal plan/prep the day before. I sit down and create a list of breakfast, lunch, dinner and 2 snacks that bring me comfort. I don’t just plan for half a day, I plan a whole day of meals. Even if I don’t plan on being there all day, it helps to see what I have to look forward to to eating and how my meal choices are helping me reach my goals. And by comfort I mean, if you are going to a bbq and they are cooking delicious hot dogs or hamburgers I will bring a lettuce wrap and fresh veggies to add to my meal -cutting out the bread and maybe not so fresh ingredients there. You can still enjoy your food while cutting out the unnecessary things.

2. Next, after you have planned out your meals, it’s time to get that handy cooler or lunch bag out and pack all your food, including drinks. I pack each meal and snacks, as well as my own water because staying hydrated is important and it helps me stay on track. I know how much water I drink a day (the goal I have set for myself and everyone is different) and if I pack what I drink, I am more likely to reach my goal of water intake. I make sure to tuck my list of meals into the side of the lunch bag or in my bag so that I have something to refer to throughout the day.

3. Helpful tip coming up here -ask the person throwing the shindig what they plan on having on their menu. If you know what they plan on cooking, you can create your meals based off of those things but with much healthier ingredients. Not making sense? Example time. If my friend is making macaroni and cheese, I am going to bring my own healthier version of macaroni and cheese. If my friend is going to have a desserts table, I bring my own sweet treats that give me just what I need to meet my sweet tooth needs/cravings. Base your meals and snacks off of what will be on the menu. You can still enjoy delicious comfort foods without sabotaging your whole day and healthy lifestyle change.

4. Let’s be honest, summer pool days always include an alcoholic beverage or two! If you aren’t of legal age to drink than this doesn’t apply to you and you better not be drinking. Shame. Anyways, back to what I was saying. Choose healthier drinking options. I will list some below:
   
   - Try the Smirnoff RTD line, Skinny Girl Brand Sangria or Margarita, Bacardi Classic Cocktails Light, Truly’s (my personal favorite), Artic Summer Ginger Lime Hard Seltzer or Cutwater Spirits Fugu Grapefruit Vodka Soda.
   - Other options include: Saint Archer Gold, Yuengling Light Lager, Heineken Light, Corona Light, Miller Lite, Michelob Ultra or my personal favorite, Blue Moon LightSky.

5. Last but not least, have some willpower or better yet, have a TON of willpower. Look choosing healthier options, when all the bad stuff is in front of you, can be hard. It won’t be easy and I never said it would be. I get it, I’ve been there and I still struggle some days. But I have learned it’s never worth it. I start by telling my friends my goals and how I am choosing to live my life. I ask them to please encourage me and be my extra voice when I am thinking of breaking (have a good support system). I constantly remind myself of my goals and my “why”. My why is so important to me and honestly, I keep motivational progress pictures (the pictures are of where I started and where I am) and quotes in my phone. Looking at my progress pictures helps me see how far I am have come and why ruin the new healthy version of myself for a minute of pleasure, that turns to regret, that leads to negative self-talk. Not worth it and don’t have time for it -I’ve come too far.

I hope these 5 simple steps can help guide you to stay on track and keep you motivated. Remember you have to put in the work, nobody is going to do it for you. It takes time, so forgive yourself when you mess up and learn to keep going. Don’t beat yourself up for too long because that won’t help you either. You can do this!

Juice Cleanse.

Squeezed Online Juice Cleanse Experience

I get so many questions every time I post about being on a juice cleanse. So, I am here to share all the benefits, information, helpful tips and the not so glamorous side of doing a juice cleanse. Like with everything else their are pros and cons but overall, I find great success during and after my cleanse.

Where do you get your juices from?
- I get my juices from Squeezed Online. I have my own juicer and juice my own blends regularly, but when I want to take part in a multi-day cleanse I turn to Squeezed. It’s affordable, they deliver and I love what they produce.

Where do I start? It’s so overwhelming looking at it all.
- I totally understand. If you are trying a juice cleanse for the first time it can be very overwhelming; figuring out how many days to do it, what cleanse to do and when you drink each juice. So let me break it down, I always suggest a 2-3 day cleanse to start off with. Start simple and eventually you can build your way up to 5 or 7 days. Next, you want to choose the cleanse that best works for you. I typically go with the regular cleanse because it has an even amount of fruits and veggies. There are other options available that are more vegetable based or ones that spice up your juices. It all depends on your taste buds and only you know them best! Finally figuring out which juice to drink and when. The bottles are labeled 1-5 (minus the Cashew Milk and I’ll get to that later), you drink the bottle labeled 1 first and you continue on.

How many hours do I leave between drinking each bottle?
- Honestly, totally up to you. I space out my juices for every 3 hours and in-between have 16 oz. of water. But again, up to you. Don’t wait until you get a hunger pain but make sure you plan out your day to get each juice in.

How much water do I drink while on the cleanse?
- As stated above, I drink 16 oz. of water between each juice. Doesn’t seem like a lot but it’s just enough for me. I always recommend drinking at least 16 to 24 oz. of water between each bottle. It is so vital you stay hydrated during a cleanse, plus the water aides in flushing out the extra toxins.

Can I eat during a juice cleanse?
- The point of a cleanse is to give your insides a makeover. That means allowing the juice to clean out your gut, restart your metabolism and aide in healthy weight-loss. I do not recommend eating during a cleanse but if you feel you need something, I always recommend grabbing a piece of fruit or fresh veggies. No extra added anything (example: dressings, salt, pepper, etc). Keep it as clean as possible!

What is the Cashew Milk for?
- The Cashew Milk is for after physical activity. I don’t have as an intense workout as I typically do when not juicing but I do stay active on a lower scale. The Cashew Milk has a little bit more substance than the regular juices do. You do not have to drink it but I do recommend it, especially if you are feeling a little extra hungry because you probably will.

Can I workout during a juice cleanse?
- You absolutely can workout during a cleanse but don’t overdue it, listen to your body. My workouts can be pretty intense, so when I am on a juice cleanse I stick with light cardio. I take time away from all the weights and body weight workouts, and focus on what my body is telling me. I stick with a quick jog or brisk walk around a park.

Will I lose a lot of weight?
- Here’s the thing, a juice cleanse is meant to restart your entire system. It’s meant to clean out your gut and help you start fresh in your health journey. Juice cleanses are not for massive weight loss, you will lose some extra pounds and feel a little bit lighter and more refreshed but you are not meant to drop to your goal weight after a cleanse. I have friends who have lost 8-10 pounds from their first cleanse, which is amazing but it’s up to you to choose healthier and wiser options moving forward after a cleanse to help you reach your destination. Again, everyone is different and you will find different results for yourself but don’t think you are gonna drop 50 pounds after 1 day. Not realistic and also, not healthy.

Am I gonna get diarrhea?
- Haha yup, I get this question a lot and it’s absolutely a valid question. My answer is this, everyone is different, everyone’s body operates in its own special way. You will experience bowel movement but to what capacity I cannot tell you because again, you know your body best and how it reacts to certain foods and drinks. So, take it one day at a time.

What do I eat after a juice cleanse?
- You will want to start lite with your foods and keep it as clean as possible. Remember you started this juice cleanse to help you start a new journey into a healthier you. Don’t go back to eating the way you did because then you just wasted time, energy and money. Start with fresh fruits and vegetables, lean protein and healthy smoothie options for a replacement meal.

What am I going to get out of a juice cleanse?
- A juice cleanse helps restart your system. It aides in a healthy weight loss, restarts your metabolism, helps clean out toxins from your gut, provides you natural energy (not like coffee) and gives your body a chance to heal and recharge while providing you with key nutrients and vitamins. Also, I find my skin becomes a little bit more clear. My blemishes start to disappear, praise the juices.

I hope this gives you a better idea of what a juice cleanse is, what it is meant for and what to expect. If you have any questions feel free to find me on Instagram (_simplyhealthyfit), Facebook (simplyhealthyfit) or shoot me an email (simplyhealthyfit18@gmail.com). I would love to help you on your journey to becoming healthier, happier you.

Those Dreaded Words.

Those dreaded words…it’s swimsuit season.

I don’t ever feel like I am fully ready for summer, for swimsuits, for poolside days. Let me repeat myself, I AM NOT READY. Okay, I feel better.

I know what you might be thinking, “she has nothing to worry about” or insert * eye roll *. We all get self-conscious. We all doubt ourselves. We see the all the negative before we even see one positive. It’s human nature. And we all have the right to feel however we want to feel but we don’t have to stay there.

About two weeks ago I experienced my first pool day, and let me tell you I was not ready. It went a little something like this; went to the bathroom to put on my swimsuit, I put on my swimsuit, immediately look in the mirror, instantly see my flaws. I pointed out the stretch marks to myself, the cellulite in my thighs and the tiny little stomach pooch that I cannot seem to get rid of. Yup, that’s all I saw standing there in that mirror. I thought of ways I could get out of this day and just go home until next summer arrives and I will definitely be ready then, right?! Ha.

But anyways, I went outside, towel wrapped around me, just lightly sticking my feet in the pool. Eventually I counted up to five, threw the towel down and jumped in before anybody could see me in full bikini mode. When I got out, I did the same thing -located my towel outside the pool, counted to five and made a dash for it. The next day I sat down and thought to myself, ‘why do you feel this way’? Nobody had told me anything to make me feel even remotely disgusted with myself, but here I was putting myself down and so upset about how I felt in that bikini.

I have always had a warped vision of my body. I see fat, cellulite, stretch marks, blemishes, thick thighs. But isn’t that what makes me human? Isn’t that what makes me beautiful? Isn’t that what makes me real?

I admit growing up a dancer and finding myself in the professional field for years made me believe I wasn’t enough. I was constantly told I was too fat, not pretty enough, didn’t have the right look. (Side Note: I am not knocking my time and experiences as a pro-dancer. I have memories that will last a lifetime and accomplishing that goal meant everything to me, and I knew what I was getting into and that’s the name of the game. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t effect me). Going through a relationship where I was told if I didn’t stay an exact weight I would be deemed disgusting and would be left. I found my value in someone’s opinion of me, someone whom I loved and was suppose to be lifting me up, loving my flaws and all but didn’t. Coming to these specific realizations made me realize I have to change my mindset and those dreaded words it’s swimsuit season shouldn’t be so dreadful. I wouldn’t allow those words to control me anymore.

So what did I do?

1. I looked at the things in my life that lead me to believe I had to look a certain way. I did a mass social media unfollowing. What you look at has a HUGE impact on how you view yourself, and most of the time it’s not as glamourous as people make it out to seem. You see what they want you to see, remember that. Anyways, looking at the fake boobed, six pack, Botox women was not helping (and no offense, do you but like hey, I am a teacher on a budget who has to do things the natural way to reach my goals). I make a conscious effort to monitor what I am looking at and who I am really looking up to.

2. I did something about it. I got up and made an effort to choose healthier meals and set a goal of 30 active minutes a day. If I am being honest, I haven’t been THAT focused on myself during quarantine. Bottle of wine? Sure, why not. Mac & Cheese? I’ll take the whole box in one sitting. Pizza? Extra cheese please. How can I expect to love myself if I am not actively taking care of myself? Making simple steps to better myself has made me feel 100x more confident in who I am. Have I lost any weight? Nope. Do I still look the same? Yup. But I feel differently because I know I am taking care of myself with what I am putting into my body and how I am taking care of it -it makes a world of difference when you put in an effort to yourself. I promise. Take care of yourself and you’ll eventually learn to love yourself, flaws and all.

3. Lastly, I sit back and remember how far I’ve come from the days of being told I wasn’t enough -whether that be from an ex-boyfriend or a team I auditioned for a million times. I look at where I was and who I was, then fast forward to today. I have grown into a more strong, independent woman. I lost 50 pounds and got my health back. I love myself more than I did yesterday and love myself more tomorrow than I do today. I remember nothing I have now happened overnight. It took therapy and hard, hard work but I made it happen for myself and that is inspiring enough for me to keep going and to stop putting myself down. I don’t want to fall back into old habits, that’s not fair to the person I am today. I am enough and a swimsuit doesn’t define that worth. Who cares about the stretch marks? They tell a remarkable story. Who cares about cellulite? We all have it. Who cares that my thighs touch? They are strong.

So, instead of sitting in dread NOT READY for summer to be here and worrying about my flaws, I am going to embrace every single part of me. I am going to embrace the perfectly imperfect parts of myself because I know I am taking care of myself -mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It’s okay to have flaws, we all have them. It’s okay not to be comfortable in certain types of clothing but I am not going to allow it to control me. It’s okay to have insecure moments but don’t stay there. Don’t let your false visual representation of yourself hold you back. Keep pushing forward and being authentic to yourself.

Does this mean I am 100% confident in who I am and throwing on that swimsuit? LOL, no. I still have my moments and days but when I do, I refer to those 3 simple steps listed above. Your steps don’t have to be the same, create your own. Take time to sit down and figure out why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Once you understand where these false outlooks are coming from you will better be able to fix what isn’t even real. You’ll be able to start taking care of yourself through positive affirmations you tell yourself, nutrition, fitness and self-care time. It takes work to love yourself but it’s important you find that self-love if you plan on living a fulfilling life.

You are you and that is enough. Flaws and all.

Interrupted Schedule.

“You are a routine, schedule kind of person. You have your to-do lists, you have your routines and you have backup plans. You have a sense of control that brings you peace, brings you comfort. Right now, all that has been taken from you and you feel out of control. You don’t like feeling out of control, especially with your own life. You feel it’s the one thing you have left that gives you a purpose. You have been let down so many times, that your need to be in control with the simplest things, such as your daily activities, brings you a sense of clarity in this unpredictable world. With this interruption you have found yourself slipping into old habits, old feelings. You find yourself anxious, depressed and overly emotional. You find yourself being unreasonable and that scares you. But that’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to feel out of control in these unprecedented times. It’s okay that you don’t have a backup plan. It’s okay to feel what you are feeling, but you can’t stay there. You can’t stay in an unhealthy mindset, that you fought and clawed your way out of, so many years ago. It took you so long to recognize the hurts, disappointments, interrupted plans and rejections turned you into someone you didn’t want to be -dare I say hated. You overcame once, you can do it again. You’re a survivor.”

These are words that I needed to hear. These are words that hold so much truth and sit with my soul in a whole new way. During these crazy times, I have been feeling lost. I have been feeling myself slip back into old habits, old feelings. I have felt my depression and anxiety increase -not sleeping, random outbursts of anger and tears, sadness, confusion. The list could go on and on but you get the point.

My schedule is off, my routine is interrupted and my life feels chaotic despite being quarantined to my tiny apartment with not much to do. I feel out control with no purpose. Yet again, I feel worthless and unloved, trapped in a cage. But how much truth does that hold when I sit down and actually go through these irrational thoughts? Not a lot. My truth vs. reality is very different and I am recognizing that. But how can I live it out daily? How can I continue to grow in isolation?

I have come up with a daily checklist of things I can control. I often revert to this list when I am feeling these emotions arise and maybe you can too, if you are feeling lost during these unpredictable times.

• My sleep routine -drinking nighttime tea, getting into bed at the same time every night (if possible), breathing exercises and instead of TV/Electronics, opening up a good book.

• How I speak to myself -positive affirmations and reality vs. what my misguided thoughts say.

• What I eat -scheduling my meal times, trying out new recipes, planning out meals/snacks for the day.

• The way I treat others -not lashing out, being open and honest in a healthy way, talking through issues and again, separating reality vs. my misguided thoughts.

• My outlook -positive vision, seeing the good in every day. I have a roof over my head, clean water and food to eat, to name a few.

• Most importantly, how soon I try again after I stumble -working through hard emotions, days and issues. Living my truth and being honest about where I am that day and how I can be better.

If you are feeling lost, hopeless and unsure of your right now, please know you are not alone. I am right there with you, just as I am sure many people are. We will get through this and we will get back to our normal one day. But it is so important, you find purpose in your right now, in your isolation. You can overcome this, you will survive, you can do this. I am rooting for you from my tiny apartment in self-isolation.

Turning 30.

Happy Birthday To Me.

Today is the day. The day I have struggled with over the past few months. The day I’ve been looking towards with much anticipation and mixed emotions. I have been told countless times, “30 is just a number, it doesn’t define you”. And trust me, I get it. 30 is in fact just a number but it’s a number that represents the turning of a new chapter, a new decade in my life. It represents the disappointments, failures, rejections, the what-if’s, the endless tears, the nights alone and questioning if this is all worth it; as well as, the successes, the victories, the ah-ha moments, the growth, the grace, forgiveness and mercy of God. These past few decades have no doubt been pivotal in who I am today. For each moment, I am truly thankful.

Today holds much meaning for me, as I look back on all that I have overcome and pleased that I am still standing broken and strong, all at the same time. There are things that I had planned to accomplished by this age but haven’t and that holds such a dark cloud over my head.

By 30 I planned on…

• Being married with 2 or 3 kids, living in a beautiful house surrounded by a white picket fence, feeling completely stable in all areas of my life.

By 30 I have…

• My dog, small apartment, teaching career and not completely stable in any area of my life. And don’t get me wrong none of these things are bad -maybe besides the unstable part LOL.

Wow, two completely different realities. And this my friends, is where I struggle. This is where I find myself crying and disappointed because I didn’t meet my own expectations. I failed. I failed to do what I had planned for myself. These two different realities make me sad for those around me -my parents who maybe wish I was more stable with a husband and kids. My friends who maybe wish I wasn’t so lonely, that way I didn’t rely on them greatly for comfort and support. I struggle with myself because I feel bad. I feel had I not made certain decisions, I wouldn’t have two different realities. I would have one reality that everyone around me would be proud of.

My 30 seems to look different from everyone else’s 30. There is much pain and hurt in that reality. My 30 is in fact different from those around me. I am still figuring out who I am, what I want and what it truly means to live a life I love. And that’s where I have to stop myself. My 30 may be different and I may not be where the world says I should, but I am here. I am living and I am thriving in what I have set my mind and heart to. When I look at this truth, I know that God has me right where He wants me. I may not see His good, good plans for me but I don’t doubt the goodness He has set forth.

On the other side of all this, I do take a step back and look at myself with pride at who I am. I am proud that I have overcome some of the worst. I am proud that I decided to continue to take steps forward to be a better me, not just for those around me but for me. I may not be where I dreamed of being but I am living the dream. I am building my career, living on my own, writing a book, starting a podcast and accomplishing big and small things, daily. I have an amazing support system standing all around me, cheering me on -so loud and proud. For all those things, I am forever grateful. While I still hold onto the dream of being married with kids one day, I am fully embracing where I am today. I am fully embracing 30 and I know this decade will be nothing short of amazing. I have hope for today, tomorrow and all that my future holds for me.

My Biggest Flaw.

I was scrolling through Facebook and came across this quote. It really hit home and I couldn’t get my mind off of how much truth it held for me. The truth that I do need a lot of reassurance. The truth that yes, I have been through hell and come out on the other side but was left scarred and damaged. The truth that because of those outward scars, that I try desperately to coverup, somehow end up showing the sides of me that I hate. The vulnerable side. The insecure, unsure, frightened, anxious AF side. The side that makes people run because it’s a lot. I am a lot and I understand that. We all have flaws, insecurities and downfalls. That’s what makes us human, that’s what makes us real.

I understand my flaws, I recognize my flaws. I work on my flaws to better understand how they effect my life and those around me. I don’t expect people to come into my life and “fix” my flaws or just accept my flaws. I am working on myself daily to be the best possible version of myself. I don’t want my past to dictate my now. But the past does have a role in who I am today. Past experiences shape us -make us stronger and wiser. But they can, also, show the toxic sides of us. Am I proud of that? No. Do I expect someone to just accept that part of me? No. What do I expect then? I expect someone to work with me. Listen and understand where I have been, how far I have come and recognize that I am working on myself daily. Nobody is perfect. You will never find the “perfect” person, they do no exist and you cannot change my mind. Every person comes with a past, some baggage -pieces we are trying to put back together.

I have had a lot of people leave, and trust me not everyone was meant to stay (thank you, God). I have had moments of being a complete devil of a psycho, if that even makes sense LOL. But it’s true, I will give you a run for your money -I am that freakin’ damaged. In those moments, I have learned to be honest about mentally where I am at. My anxiety gets the absolute best of me; where I will get in my head and create lies instead of seeing my reality. It’s the ugly side of me that I am working like hell to overcome.

We’ve all been there, we’ve all had our moments -in different ways and capacities. This is one thing I have learned to be true though, if you are willing to admit you had a moment, you freaked out and you understand that is wasn’t okay and that is not who you want to be, that is the first step in healing. Admitting there is a problem, admitting I overreacted. Admitting a certain moment or situation triggered me -recognize it and how can I can do better next time. I am working on myself daily because I haven’t healed fully from the disappointments, pains and rejections I have faced. I am terrified of losing all the good people in my life because of my weak moments, because of my flaws.

But if there is one thing I am certain of it is this, the more I continue to work on myself and continue to be honest and open with the people that mean the most to me, the more they appreciate me -the more they understand me and that yes, she is recognizing who she is being isn’t who she wants to be and this is what she is actively doing to work on it. That isn’t to say I don’t annoy people with my lack of confidence or insecurities but it’s the meeting in the middle and having an understanding of the situation and working together to come to a resolution of the situation.

I am a lot but I am better understanding that I am worth it. And sitting with this quote above has made me realize that while I still may be damaged, I am not unrepairable. I have a chance every day to start fresh and begin again, and so do you. So I leave you today with this, wherever you are in your journey keep kicking ass. You’ll have moments, days or even weeks but you can come out on the other side a better person. Recognize where you’ve been, who you are now and what the future holds for you. Don’t give up, you are further than you were yesterday.

Finding Your New Normal.

These past few weeks have been crazy to say the least. It feels like the world has been turned upside down and we truly are taking things day by day. We watch the news all day for the latest update on this virus and we go to sleep praying that this doesn’t last forever. We get anxious throughout the day, staying locked inside because we’ve been told that is what is best for our safety and health. We our finding our new normal by doing everything at home now -working, learning, teaching, etc. The goals we set for 2020 are distant now because we ask ourselves, “what’s the point?”.

There is a point, there is hope and there will be a time where everything goes back to normal. There will be a day we can go back to our regularly scheduled programming. Until that day though, I encourage you to remain optimistic. I encourage you to remind yourself of your “why” every single day. Life will always have challenges but that doesn’t mean give up on everything. Find your will to keep fighting for a better tomorrow, even if that means having to be at home for an extended period of time. Find the good in every day, no matter how hard that may be to do right now. It’s important you see the sunshine through the clouds. It’s important you don’t give up.

Every morning wake up with a plan -sit down, grab a cup of coffee and write yourself a “to get done” list, as I like to call it. It doesn’t have to be along list; the longer the list, the harder it may be to accomplish. Start small and build your way up just like with anything else you do. Your list can be anything you want it to be -morning praise, journaling, cooking a healthy breakfast, going for a walk, doing an at-home workout. It can literally be anything. Make your list full of things that bring out those good endorphins. Make that list with a positive mindset. Make that list with the intentions of it bringing out the best you, not the stressed you.

I encourage you to keep going in these questionable times. You can still stay on track with your goals, you just have to remain focused. When you are grocery shopping, you can still choose healthy options. Being stuck at home doesn’t mean to buy all the sugar and carbs. Stick with your regular eating routine. Find 30 minutes or an hour out of your day to still get your workout done -I have some you can do at home under my workouts tab or you can simply go for a 30 minute walk, get some fresh air. Take time at night to try out that new face mask you’ve been wanting to try. That book you’ve had sitting on your bookshelf? Open it up and commit to reading a chapter or two a day. The possibilities are endless -you only need to remain calm, breathe and know everything is going to be okay. Tough times don’t last forever but tough people do.

Answering Your Questions.

I have been getting a lot of questions recently on my health and fitness journey, so I am here to answer some of those questions. Deciding to change my life wasn’t easy. Deciding to lead a healthier life wasn’t easy. Deciding to seek help for depression and anxiety wasn’t easy. Nothing was easy but it was worth it. It was worth the tears, hard work and heavy days. It was worth it because I came out on the other side when I didn’t think I ever would.

I am answering the most FAQ and if you ever want to know more you can always email me at simplyhealthyfit18@gmail.com -I am here to guide, encourage and inspire those around me in the best way I know how.

What made you start Simply Healthy Fit?
I started Simply Healthy Fit because I wanted to start a real, honest, no bullshit blog about what health and fitness really means. I learned through years of hard work, failures and successes that leading a healthy, happy life isn’t just about working out and eating right. It’s about having a good support system. It’s about being strong mentally and knowing your worth. I didn’t start SHF to sell people anything or make money, simply started it to share my journey in hopes that it would reach people who may feel discouraged or don’t know where to start. You can start right where you are, how you are. It’s a journey, you just have to be committed to taking a step forward each day no matter how many times you may fall.

How did you lose 45 pounds?
It took me 4 years to lose 45 pounds. You may be thinking that’s a long time. But I had a lot of setbacks and comebacks. It was a process for me, as it should be. I don’t believe in those weight loss scams -lose 20 pounds in 2 weeks or use this wrap and melt away your fat. I started working out and finding workouts that I enjoyed instead of it feeling punishment. I learned to choose healthier options and when I didn’t choose healthier options, I made sure to implement portion control. I started going to therapy and learning to love myself. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll never be proud of where you are or where you are going. You have to love who you are, work on those demons and get right with yourself. No amount of weight loss will make you happy until you’re truly happy with yourself.

Did you do a certain diet?
Let’s be honest, I have tried every diet and diet pill there is to try AND…it’s all bogus. You know what diet I am on? Choosing healthier options, portion control and not feeling guilty for have a slice of pizza or two. I hate the word diet. A diet is temporary, it may work for what you are trying to accomplish but once you stop, you go right back to where you were. You have to think of your eating choices as a lifestyle change. Instead of eating white bread, go for that wheat bread. Instead of having fries, have sweet potato fries. It’s all about the small choices and changes you make to your eating that make the most difference. And you don’t have to feel guilty when you do indulge because it happens. You make a better choice next time. So stop with the word diet, searching for the perfect diet, the diet pills and wraps. Those are temporary, commit to make a permanent lifestyle change.

How often do you workout?
I workout 3-5 times a week depending on my mood and how I am feeling. Some weeks I am really on top of it, some weeks I am exhausted and listen to my body. Sometimes, I do my own workouts and other times I like to try out a new workout class. I like to switch up what I do because I can get bored very easily. It’s all about finding what you like and what works for you. Trial and error. I find myself to get a better workout in when I am working out with people because they push me to my limits which I need. So, wherever you start just start. Take a 30 minute walk every evening and build from there. Or do a quick 20 minute workout DVD. Whatever you have to do, do it and make it a habit. It’s hard to start but once you get started, it gets easier.

How much would it cost for me to ask you to send me workouts, healthy eating options and encouragement?
ZERO DOLLARS. Like I have said before leading a healthier, happier life is my passion. I am passionate about making the most out of this life. If you don’t know where to start or how to, I am here to hopefully help you through my own personal experience and testimony. I believe sharing what I have been through, who I once was and who I am today is important. I think it’s relatable to the average person because I am an average person trying to do incredible work and things for those around me and those I may not know. I am a no nonsense kind of person who wants to make a difference in any way I can. I know what it’s like to be at the lowest of lows and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I know what it’s like to be alone, scared and broken. So, if I can be a voice of encouragement or inspiration in the simplest of ways, I want to do just that. I want to be here for the real, raw, uncensored side of this health and wellness journey you may be on or wanting to start. I am your number one fan, cheering you from the sidelines every step of the way.

Understanding Her.

You have to understand her in order to understand how she loves and the way she loves. She has gone through the unimaginable but still believes in the magic of love, despite it all. She was broken, bruised and left to fend for herself but she managed to put herself back together again -broken pieces and all. It would have been easy of her to build up a wall so high it would take an army of 1,000 to break down. It would have been easy for her to take her heart of gold and turn it into ice. But no, she didn’t do that. She doesn’t know how to do that. She still believes in the magic of love. She still believes there is someone out there that can love her despite what she has been through, despite her flaws, despite her imperfections. She still believes that someone will one day love her the way she deserves to be loved and never run, despite how ugly her past is and how it sometimes creeps back in with her insecurities.

She chooses to love without holding back. She has tried that route -loving with conditions but it just wasn’t meant for her. She wears her heart on her sleeve and isn’t afraid to admit she loves you. She isn’t afraid to admit she cares. She is an open book despite being punished in the past for it. She will make the time for you; she will message back immediately, she will go above and beyond and she will no doubt be the person you can count on. She isn’t here to play games -she’s much too old and seasoned for that. You see, she understands what it’s like to be hurt. She understands pain, heartbreak and disappointment. She doesn’t want to cause that kind of pain to anybody else and doesn’t want to make anybody else pay for the true pain she has endured.

She is all in or not at all. She has learned that life is too short to live half-assed, especially giving half-assed love. She has carried heavy burdens by herself, burdens that nobody ever knew of. She knows what it feels like to be alone and she doesn’t want that for the one she loves. She is there for it all. There for the good, the bad, the ugly and all the in-between. She is not interested in a part-time position in anybody’s life and she isn’t interested in giving someone a part-time job. She wants to work through the issues and laugh through the silly disagreements. She wants to create memories.

You see, she understands love isn’t easy, but she still believes in the goodness of it all. She still believes in her person, when she does find her person. But understand this, if you don’t love her right. If she feels she is having to beg for your love, time or attention, she has no problems walking away. That doesn’t mean she wants to, it’s probably the hardest thing she has ever had to do but she probably gave you all and then some -but she cannot give from an empty bucket. Love isn’t a maybe thing. Love isn’t a sometimes thing. She isn’t going to wait around for someone to see she’s worth it because she already knows she is worth it, and she doesn’t have time for people who don’t see that. So, while she may be imperfect and difficult at times understand her heart is pure and the love she feels is real. She doesn’t walk away without giving her all in something that felt so promising at one point. She will always care and love for the person in her life, but she will no longer settle for part-time partners or lovers. She is strong, she is me.

Lily McCleary Photography

Finding Your Voice.

I have been through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. A lot broke my heart, crushed my soul and tore me apart. But hear me when I say this, I am grateful because it fixed my vision and lead me to find my voice in a powerful way. I found my purpose, my will and passions for life. I learned to never hold back in how I feel, what I believe and who I am. I’ve allowed my highest of highs to continue to inspire me and I’ve allowed my lowest of lows to humble and teach me. Every moment of this life has a purpose. Do not belittle yourself to make others feel big. Do not lower your volume to amplify others. Your voice has a reason to be heard, to speak volumes and you do yourself no favors when you mute it.

Almost 3 years ago I found myself broken, scared and alone. All of the plans I had for myself, for my future no longer existed. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had allowed someone to put me in a corner and silence me. I allowed someone to take all that I was, destroy it and never look back. I found myself in a dark place that I wasn’t sure I was ever going to find my way out of; I wasn’t sure I wanted to. What was the point?

What was the point? Nobody would want me. I was damaged goods.
What was the point? Nobody would understand me. How could I allow such things.
What was the point? Everybody would think I was weak.

It was a lot that I was going to have to come back from and I didn’t think I had the fight left in me. I was silenced for so long, put on mute that I wasn’t sure how to get the volume back on. I was a broken remote control that needed new batteries.

I cannot tell you the exact moment it clicked for me but it did. It happened one morning where I realized I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. I had to stop wasting my moments on doubting myself and what I was capable of. I started to take my power back, one step at a time. I focused on my goals, my health, on myself. I failed many of times but this time when I did, I got back up. I didn’t allow failures and disappointments to keep me down. I looked at those moments and asked what they could teach me. I found new batteries for my life.

I started learning who I was and who I wanted to become. I slowly, day by day, started turning up my volume -one level at a time. And hear me when I say this, I was scared shitless. The last time I had a voice, I was silenced with mental and physical abuse. But did I want those moments to continue to define me and let the bad guy win? Hell no. I allowed myself to be scared because every emotion has validation but don’t sit there for too long. Feel what you need to feel, honor it and keep climbing. So, that’s exactly what I did. I kept climbing. I took the time to heal and become me again. My voice is no longer silenced. You can hear me from mountain tops even when it shakes the ground beneath me. I know I deserve to be heard, I know not everyone will understand and that’s okay. Life isn’t about pleasing others -life is about being exactly who you are, flaws and all.

Be you. Be fearless. Be brave. Be unapologetically authentic in this life. Turn your volume up and don’t ever let anybody silence you. Use your voice to say what you need to say, even when it seems too loud for others. You have a voice in this life and I encourage you to use it. Find your inner courage and say what you need to say, even if at times you feel like you might throw up (ME ALL THE TIME, LOL). You deserve to be heard. The lack of someone’s ability to understand or respect you, to want to silence you doesn’t speak on who you are but speaks on who they are. You are wonderfully made, don’t let that purpose go to waste by staying on mute. Find new batteries and turn yourself all the way up.

If Not Now, Then When?

Excuses, time, relationships, stipulations -all things we allow to get in our way, that stop us from living out our best lives. Stop us from reaching our full potential. Stop us from being our best. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow the simplest of obstacles get in the way of our dreams, goals and aspirations? We like to say “tomorrow” and tomorrow ends up becoming next week, next month, next year. Before we know it “tomorrow” becomes never and we find ourselves in a stagnant place. We find ourselves unhappy with who we are, angry with where we are at and disappointed in what we’ve accomplished or lack there of. If not now, then when? When are you going to stop with the excuses and get to getting? When are you going to say enough is enough and start now?

Your overall health CANNOT wait. Your health is so important to who you are in this life. If you are not taking care of who you are mentally, physically, socially, spiritually then you are going to continue to feel stuck and not enough for yourself or others. You are important, your health is important. You have to starting making yourself a priority. Start right now -evaluate where you are at and what truly needs work. Mentally feeling drained? Assess what has you there. Physically not good? Come up with a plan, and when you fail keep going anyways. I don’t care that it’s a Tuesday or mid-day Friday, START NOW. Socially drained? Figure out who is worth it and who isn’t -maybe those you are surrounding yourself with are your roadblocks. Spiritually lost? Ask yourself why. What made you cut that part out of your life and how can you rebuild. It all starts with being honest with yourself.

Finding yourself in relationships that no longer serve you but can’t give up because giving up means you failed. You are failing right now by staying. You are failing yourself by staying and surrounding yourself around people who do not add to your life. You are stuck because you are choosing to stunt your growth to water others. You cannot be the only one trying, you cannot be the only one giving your all while others reap the benefits. Life is too short to surround yourself with half-ass love, promises, effort and half-ass people who are half-ass there. It’s hard to walk away, but isn’t it harder to stay, still feel alone and stunt your growth?

Stop giving yourself stipulations -when I reach a certain point in my career, I will start to focus on this. Or when I accomplish this, I will start to do that. Stop giving yourself this and that ultimatums. Start right fucking now and manifest what you believe to be true. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. You don’t have to be in a certain place in your life to start. Again, these are excuses that you are allowing to control your destiny. Be who you know you are and grow in small or big ways every day. Stop with the Monday’s, stop with the perfect time or whatever it is that is keeping you where are. You will find yourself never being satisfied. Please remember, no time is the right time but we can make it the right time. We can choose to do what we want anyways. BE YOUR BEST YOU RIGHT NOW. Choose you.

I hope you choose you, your goals and dreams every single day. I hope you stop putting off your life, your health, your happiness. I hope you choose to start right now, right where you are. I hope you choose to embrace yourself, to love yourself and know you are right where you need to be to start. It’s scary but isn’t that the point? Aren’t your goals suppose to shake you, terrify you and get you off your ass? You can do this, I know you can. Doesn’t matter what you’ve been through but what you choose to do with what you’ve been through. Let it grow you and push you to be better. Let it water you and blossom you into who you know you were meant to be despite all the bad shit. You are a badass, you are worthy and you can kickass at this life. But it starts with starting. I’ll leave you with this…if not now, then when?

Lily McCleary Photography

Keep Your Expectations High.

Keep Your Expectations High.

Expectations, we all have them -we have them for ourselves, for others, for work, our relationships, etc. But you may find yourself slowly letting go of those, slowly giving excuses as to why you need to lower them. Some may say you’ve set them too high. Some may say you have set them too low. Some may say these expectations are why you are unhappy in certain areas of your life. They may, also, say drop all your expectations and just let life be what it is. I am here to tell you that is the most ridiculous advice. Do not settle in anything you do -keep your expectations high.

The expectations you have set for yourself should be ones that inspire, encourage and motivate you. They may even scare you a little bit and that’s okay, they should. You only have one life, do not settle for mediocre dreams, goals or people. This life was never guaranteed to be easy -it was meant to challenge you, develop and grow you in ways you could never imagine or thought possible. You will stumble, you will fall and occasionally might hit rock bottom or close to it. But the expectations you have set for yourself is what gets you going again. It’s what clears your vision when your vision has been blurred by the pains of the world. The moment you drop those expectations is the moment you find yourself a little lost, because what are you fighting for at that point? No matter how hard life may seem or get, don’t drop yourmexpectations you have set for yourself. You may have to adjust but don’t ever give up.

The expectations you have set for others is not unrealistic or invalid. It is so vital to have expectations for others that choose to be a part of your life for your overall health and peace. People say all the time expectations lead to disappointments; I couldn’t disagree more. Expectations show you the truth. The truth isn’t always beautiful, the truth can get ugly and hurt. Expectations are not something you should apologize for and nobody should make you feel guilty for having them. Do not let others ever play a part-time roll in your life. If they aren’t willing to step up to the plate, let them go. Never settle for anything less than you deserve. If you are constantly having to validate your feelings and having to “remind” those who care for you what you need as a human, and they ignore it, please show them the door. The ones who care for you don’t need to be constantly told because when they care enough, they hear you the first time. Will it be easy to say goodbye?
No, but sacrificing your peace for someone who doesn’t care about your peace is NOT worth it. Ever.

Life is short, we only have so long. So, please hear me when I say do NOT ever settle. Do not lower your expectations. Expectations do not lead to disappointment; expectations lead to the life you’ve always dreamed of. When you lower the standards, you have for yourself and others, you’re going to find yourself stagnant and miserable. You will find yourself in the same spot the rest of your life -ask yourself right now, are you happy with where you are? And, be honest.

This is your life -keep your expectations high.
 

Lily McCleary Photography

You Can Always Rebuild Yourself. It's Never Too Late.

How did you do it? How did you rebuild yourself?

Well those are some loaded question -they always are. Rebuilding yourself has many different levels, layers to uncover and chapters to make it through. There is no one step guide to rebuilding yourself. There are no simple roads to take to get to the new you quicker and faster. You can’t skip over the pain and pretend where you are now doesn’t have some reflecting and pausing to do. You can’t pretend that what got you to where you are didn’t happen. You cannot compare your rebuilding process to anybody else’s -this is the number one way to get discouraged.

Don’t ever think where you are now, is where you have to stay. No matter how many mistakes you’ve made, how much wrong you may have done or brokenness you may feel, you can always rebuild, grow and flourish. You have the choice to stay where you are or do better -only you can make that choice and nobody can make that choice for you. No amount of self-help books, therapists or motivational quotes is going to keep you going. They may get you started but they won’t keep you going. You have to make the choice to want to make a change, to want to rebuild and be dedicated to the process or you will find yourself right where you started.

This whole journey to rebuilding who I once was took courage and a shit ton of faith. It took me getting out of my own negative thoughts and self-doubts, to understand that I couldn’t continue the way I was going. I was at rock bottom and I was only digging myself deeper. I woke up one morning and said, “enough is enough”. I woke up and could barely see the light at the end of the tunnel and that’s when I knew it was time for a change. It was time to rebuild myself. It was time to take who I was, take the lessons she taught me and be a better woman from that. Am I where I want to be? No, but I have come a long way, all because I chose (for myself) to rebuild, reconstruct and re-love myself. It was the best decision I made for myself, by myself.

So, when I get the questions -how did you do it? How did you rebuild yourself? I can only answer with you have to make the choice for yourself. You have to want better; you have to do better. Allow yourself to feel the pain, brokenness and hopelessness you may feel, but don’t stay there. Only you can decide when you’ve had enough -that’s when you decide to stand up, brush the dirt off and make some life changing choices for yourself. Like I say, life doesn’t always work out the way we had planned or hoped for but it sure as hell doesn’t get any better if you allow your circumstances to control you. You are in control. Don’t let the heaviness of yesterday, be your burdens today.

Lily McCleary Photography

I Am Thankful I Didn't End Up With What I Wanted.

I am beyond thankful that I didn’t end up with what I thought I wanted, with what I thought was best for me. I am thankful I didn’t end up with the boy who I thought I was going to marry. I am thankful I didn’t continue with friendships that proved to be toxic. I am thankful for learning how to create healthy boundaries. I am thankful didn’t end up where I wanted because had I ended up with what I thought was best, I wouldn’t be where I am today -and where I am is a beautiful place. The beautiful place I am in is a strong reminder that even in the bad times, even in the times I am crying, screaming and filled with rage because “why can’t things just work out the way I was hoping”, life is good. Life has blessed me more than it should have and continues to send blessings my way.

I am thankful that the boy (I use the term boy because he never fully grasped how to be a man) I thought I was going to marry, didn’t up being the “one” for me. I am thankful life steered me in a different direction. That I found the strength and love for myself to walk away, when what I was giving wasn’t being given to me in return. That life lesson I have carried with me as I continue forward. That life lesson broke me, I never thought I would be myself again. I was lost and hit rock bottom. But I, also, look at that life lesson and am thankful for all that it taught me. The strength that it gave me and the power I found within myself to rise again.

I am thankful for cutting toxic people out of my life. I am thankful for the healthy boundaries I have learned to create with myself and others. Toxic people will drain you and without certain boundaries you start to become a slave to the toxic in your life. You slowly start to lose yourself over time, and you don’t even realize it until you’re too far in. I am thankful I realized my worth as a friend, and the people who didn’t deserve it. I am thankful I learned to walk away and moving forward, created healthy boundaries for myself and others.

I am thankful I never ended up with what I thought was best for me because I wouldn’t have what I do today. I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t be strong, courageous and fearlessly independent. I wouldn’t have followed my dreams. I would have never gone back to school. I would have never found my voice. I would have never created a business, that I dreamt of. I would have never started to travel. I would have never stepped out on my own -even when I fall, I have the strength to rise because I have overcome so much more.

You see, life works out just as it should and while we have a hard time accepting that and not questioning every outcome, we need to keep the faith because that is all you can really do. So, the next time you look at your life, look at all the wonderful blessings life has thrown your way. Do you have everything you want? Probably not. Do you have everything you need in this moment? Yes, yes you do. It all comes down to perspective and mindset, and you need to change both if you plan on surviving this unpredictable thing, we call life. Things don’t always work out the way we want but let’s be damn thankful it works out exactly as it should.

Lily McCleary Photography

End of a Decade, Beginning of a New Year.

New Decade.

A new year is here, a new decade begins. It’s time to create new goals and overcome the fears that have been holding us back. It’s a time we reflect and look back on all our past mistakes, and vow not to make those new mistakes going into the new year, the new decade. We make the statement, “new year, new me”. We are ready to take a stand, start living our best lives and swear we will never go back to our old selves again.

Can we get honest for a moment? Okay, great! That’s not how it works, not how any of it works. The 24 hours from 2019 to 2020 doesn’t automatically change who you are. I am not trying to burst your bubble, but it takes more than 24 hours to make true changes in your life. It’s great to take the time to reflect, create goals, new plans, etc. But if you think doing all that automatically means all the bad times are in the past and you finally get to live the perfect life you dreamed of, think again. It’s going to take work and a lot more time of reflection than what 24 hours can give to you. We create unrealistic goals and futures for ourselves, that the first time we fail we go right back to the same old habits, and then question why life stays the same. Life stays the same because we think that things should just be given to us instead of working for them. Those goals you created don’t happen overnight -they take actual work and you have to be prepared to fail at them a few times.

It is great to want to better yourself, in all areas of your life -mental, physical, spiritual, etc. It’s great to want more for yourself -career, relationships, friendships, etc. It’s great to create a plan to accomplishing a better life for yourself. 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1..did life change for you just now? I am going to assume your answer it no, just like the countdown at midnight is not going to change your life, miraculously. Your mindset walking into the new year needs to be a mindset of hard-work, dedication and motivation to making all areas of your life better, no matter what it takes. That means when you fall for the 100th time, you get back up and you keep forging ahead. That means when your plan doesn’t exactly work out, you keep fighting for the end goal. That means when someone disappoints you, you don’t let it affect how you view yourself. That means letting go of timelines and giving your best every single day. That means showing up on the days you are exhausted, broken and feeling hopeless.

I encourage you as you enter in a new year, a new decade to not set unrealistic expectations on yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient with your goals. Be okay with failing. Be humble in succeeding. Show up every day and never give up. Never give up on yourself, on your dreams and everything you imagine your life can be. It will take work, hard work. Some goals and dreams will happen easily for you. Others make take some sleepless nights, life lessons and tears. But it is all worth in the end. This new year, new decade I hope brings you many blessings and opportunities. I am on your side, I am cheering for you, I am your number one fan. I know you can accomplish all you set out to do. So, get after it and happy 2020!

Lily McCleary Photography

The Things We Don't Want to Talk About.

Depression and Anxiety -something that is rocking this world, daily. This is a tough topic for me because I struggle with it and I am still learning and growing every day. It isn’t easy and at times, doesn’t seem fair. I have really good days and then, I have really bad days -when I say bad, I mean I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It can get real tough, ugly and brutal. I, also, feel that I have a responsibility to be honest and vulnerable with you all, because if I am not then this whole journey is a lie. I cannot share some aspects of creating a healthy lifestyle and not talk openly about the struggles I face. The struggle that make me who I am. I, also, feel it is vital to share this part of my journey because if I can encourage someone to stay and see their light, then I have done my job. I have done what I set out to do -to encourage, motivate and inspire. To let you know, you are not alone. You are so worthy, you are so important and you are so supported.

I don’t remember when it started for me, but I do remember feeling different. I remember feeling helpless, scared and lost. I remember being terrified to tell anybody because who wants to love someone who can’t control their deepest thoughts and emotions -who wants to love someone who is broken. Nobody would understand me and that would make me feel even more alone. There were days where I wouldn’t get out of bed and if I had to, the moment I was done with whatever task needed to be done, I was right back in bed. I would just sleep. I would sleep to escape. I would sleep to forget, but soon sleep became my enemy. I would sleep and then, dream of all that I was trying to escape. I would wake up, so terribly anxious and I couldn’t slow my thoughts down. I couldn’t control the panic attack that was coming. I would cry and cry and cry some more because that’s all I knew how to do. I would think of unthinkable things because I just wanted it all to stop. I wanted to feel normal, happy and free. But I couldn’t escape the anxious thoughts, the depression that loomed over me every day I had to get up and pretend to function like a “normal” human being. It was fucking tough. It still is tough as hell.

I am not writing this post to say, “I am cured and here are 5 simple steps to help you”. No, I am here to share my truth. I am here to tell you that no I am not okay, but every day I fight to be okay. Every day I make the choice to keep trying. Every day I tell myself that I will and can make it through. It isn’t easy because I don’t feel fully understood, and I am sure some can relate to that. I am here to share how I make it through when my mind won’t stop, and my anxious body feels too weak to continue.

First, I started therapy. Therapy is a hell of a tool to use, and I highly recommend it. I get it can be intimidating and scary talking to a stranger about our deepest, darkest thoughts. But let tell me you this, how can we expect to figure out ourselves and what makes us run to this dark place, unless we talk about it. Why not talk about it with a professional who wants what is best for you, who wants to help you, who wants you to thrive. They don’t always ask the easiest questions and they sure as hell will make you re-live some painful shit, but we can’t grow through it if we keep it all tucked away. It will all eventually eat away at you until you fix it. Therapy became my safe place; it became my sanctuary. I encourage you to start here, start now. You may have to go through a few therapists to find the right one, but eventually you will and when you do, you will know exactly what I am talking about.

Second, I started reading self-help books. I love reading. I love being able to connect with an author and their story, their journey. I am not talking about those self-help books that say, “Here are 10 simple steps to be happy forever” or whatever they promise you. I am talking about the books where people are sharing their truth -their hard truth. It helps me feel not so alone and helps me see that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, I just have to keep fighting. I feel understood and accepted, by someone I have never even met but dammit I am accepted. Sometimes that is all we want, to be accepted, heard and understood. And while, the author might not be able to hear me, they wrote the book to speak to me and let me know “it will be okay”. They hear me without hearing me. If reading isn’t for you, well sorry for these 30 seconds you wasted on this paragraph. Maybe you should try reading again, if not…well continue.

Third, I started being honest about who I was with the people around me. I started to not be so scared to tell people, “yes I have anxiety and I won’t be joining you tonight because I am feeling very overwhelmed”. If they couldn’t respect that I knew those are not the people I want in my corner at the end of the day. If they accepted that, then I knew those were the people who care enough about my well-being to not shame me but lift me up. To not put me in a situation I was not comfortable with and support me in whatever I needed. Don’t be scared to be you and share you. That doesn’t mean put yourself on a billboard and scream from the rooftops that you are depressed and anxious. But be honest with how you are feeling. Honesty frees your soul, I promise.

Fourth, I fucking fight every single day even when I feel like I don’t have any fight left in me. I have found my purpose and passion; I fight for them daily. I scratch, crawl and climb, I fucking fight like hell. You have to find your purpose, passion and fight because without those things you are going to have a real hard time conquering this illness. I call it an illness and not in a demeaning way or distasteful way, but this is what I choose to call it and I have the right to do so. Whatever you have to do to fight, do it -call a friend, call your therapist, call a hotline, email me (simplyhealthyfit18@gmail.com) but don’t ever give up. I am so glad I have never given up because despite the bad days, I have had some damn good days that make the fight so worth it. You are bigger than this and until you start realizing it, you are going to struggle more days than not. But I promise it gets easier, and that’s something I can promise because I was there and sometimes still there.

Every day you have a choice, and I hope you choose to fight for your happiness. I hope you choose to get up and conquer your demons. I hope you wake up every day and choose YOU. You are not less because of this, you are not damaged goods, you are not crazy. You are simply you and that, my friend, is such a beautiful thing. You are so important. You are so wanted. You are so supported. We are in this together and we will conquer it together.

Lily McCleary Photography

Holiday Blues.

The holidays can be a hard time if you have lost a loved one. It is a strong reminder that they are no longer with you. No new memories can be made, you only have what you were left with. You want to stick with tradition, but the pain of missing that loved one is too strong. The sight of old decorations brings tears to your eyes and you feel the hole in your heart growing bigger -because as hard as you try to move on, nothing can fill that hole. Nothing can make this time of year any better. The one thing you want is the one thing looking down on you from heaven. You start to think back on all the times you shared and wish for one more moment, one more laugh, one more hug, one more Christmas with the one who made Christmas what it is for you. It is a tough fucking time of the year, and not many truly understand the pain you sit with daily.

I lost my grandmother 5 years ago to cancer. It was sudden and I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared but I guess you never can be when God calls a loved one home. Christmas time was her favorite time -not just because it was her birthday but because she enjoyed decorating every inch of her house and spreading love and cheer every where she went. Her soul was so pure, sweet and loving. I looked forward to going over to her house, seeing all her decorations and staring at them in amazement like it was the first time, every time. The stories she would share, the cooking, her laugh, her smile, her love for life and the holidays. There is not one memory I have growing up that doesn’t include her. She was and still is, the most incredible human being I had the joy of knowing. I miss her so damn much, it physically hurts at times.

The holidays are the worst time for me. I cry randomly, I get so angry all the time -I hate celebrating Christmas but I do it because I know it’s what she would want. She would want me to decorate every inch of my apartment, to create new memories while still honoring the old ones. She would want me to pass down traditions to my nephews and nieces. She would want me to continue on and I know that, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Every moment is a strong reminder that she is no longer here. And my heart breaks even more. The lights on houses don’t shine so bright for me and the Christmas tree isn’t as beautiful as it once was.

If you know someone who has lost a loved one this holiday season -be gentle, be kind, be understanding. Understand that the pain of losing a loved one never truly goes away. Be gentle and patient in knowing that as much as we try to put a smile on our face, the tears will come and when they do they will be ugly, real and raw. Be kind for we are fighting a battle that is much too tough for us during this time of the year. Remember that we are trying. We are trying to create new memories while honoring the old ones, but the pain can be too much sometimes. We aren’t trying to make you feel sorry for us. We aren’t looking for a pity party. We aren’t asking you tip-toe around us. We ask that you understand this is a difficult time for us and as much as we are trying, sometimes we can’t fight on our own. We give up, we scream, we cry and we drift away to a dark place. And we do come back, eventually. But we hope you will be there waiting. Not judging or scolding us to “just move on” but giving a gentle hug and reminder that even without the one we love, we still have a solid foundation of love and support here on earth.

I know my Grandma is watching over me, always. She reminds me in ways, that makes me look up at the sky and just smile -whether that’s randomly finding a penny or a red cardinal flying by and landing in a tree (google, if you don’t know the meaning behind these things). She is always with me. She is where she has always dreamt of being, with our heavenly Father. While the pain is as strong as it was the day she left to be with our Savior, I push ahead. I push forward because it is what she wants. But please understand, while I push ahead it doesn’t mean it is easy. Just because I am smiling and participating in “traditional holiday” activities, that doesn’t mean I’m not dying inside. So, be gentle with us. We are trying. We are pushing ahead. We are doing the best we can. We are doing the best to get through these holiday blues.

Single & Strong.

I am not any less of a person because I am single. I am not any less of a person because I don’t have kids. I am not any less of a person because I am almost 30 with neither of these things. Marriage and kids do not define someone’s life, so stop making it the expectation that, that is what life is all about. Stop making people feel bad for being single and thriving. Stop asking the rude AF questions. Stop asking the questions that make single people feel less of a person because they haven’t reached a certain “level” in life. While we may laugh off your questions, deep down we can’t wait until the conversation is over, to walk away and maybe cry a little bit (no? just me? cool.). It hurts, it is rude and we are sick of it.

Why are you still single?
I am single because I choose to be. It really is that simple. I have decided not to settle, stay true to who I am and continue to date until I find “the one”. AND chill, I am not saying married people settled. Good for you for finding your match. But y’all love to ask this question, so I am answering it. Single people are single because they choose to be, you don’t need to remind us. You don’t need to hound us. Stop and be proud of us. Be proud for all that we are doing. All that we are accomplishing. Being single doesn’t define who I am, it’s a piece of who I am -for now. Nobody gets to make me feel bad or guilty for that.

You’re getting older, you have to lower those standards…
Actually, I don’t and I won’t. I know what I want, I know what I don’t and I refuse to lower my standards because I am getting “older”. I have an expectation for those who wish to share a life with me. I won’t apologize when I show them the door because they aren’t meeting me where I need them to. I refuse to lower myself for anybody. Meet me where I am and we can continue to rise together. But, I do not need to lower myself simply because society thinks I am old and should be married by now. Get over yourselves.

Don’t be too much or extra, it makes guys run.
SEE YA AND GOODBYE! I will not apologize for being exactly who I am. I am a lot, like extra a lot. I am loud, rude, curse and cry (at the most unexpected times). I overthink, am depressed and have anxiety. But I am kind, loving, loyal, growing, successful and ambitious. We all have flaws, we all have beauties -but I will apologize for none of it. I will not apologize for being too much or too extra. I will not hide away the parts that, apparently, make someone run. They accept me where I am and where I am headed or don’t. I won’t be anything but me, and nobody who cares for me and loves me for me, should expect me to.

Don’t you want kids? Better hurry up and find that husband.
If you know me (like really know me), you know this one gets me the MOST. I have always wished, prayed and dreamed of being a mother. Every time I see a pregnancy announcement, I get upset, I cry and whisper to God, “Why not me?”. It’s not that I am not happy for my friends, I am over the moon happy. But I dream of being a mommy. I dream of experiencing growing a tiny human inside of me and loving it so hard. So when you come to me with this question, realize it cuts deeper than you think. It makes me feel less than. It takes me to a dark place. I am grateful God put me in a position to love on little ones, every day. I love being a preschool teacher, I love that the parents I have met over the years continue to let me love on their littles and be a part of their growth. I love that my friends allow me to be a part of their children’s lives. Because until I have children of my own (because I know my prayers will not go unanswered), I get to love on some amazing littles daily and that makes my heart so incredibly happy and filled with joy.

I am authentically me and I am proud of me. I get overly-emotional, I have thousands of ideas flowing through my head, I apologize more times than I should, I ugly laugh at the stupidest things and I cry about almost everything but in the next moment, wipe the tears and find the silver lining. I am a handful, I am a lot. I am me. I jump into things whole-heartedly and where my heart on my sleeve. I give people the benefit of the doubt and forgive easily. I use to hate all of this about myself. I told myself that this is why I was lonely, why nobody could possibly ever love me -but I was wrong. Oh so, wrong.

I dream hard, work hard and believe hard. I am a lot of love, joy and beauty. I am real, passionate and empathetic. I stopped laying awake at night picking myself apart and starting loving every single quirky, beautiful part about me. If you are anything like me, remember this world needs more of you, exactly as you are. Don’t hide, don’t shy away, don’t back down. Don’t you ever change who you are because society is making you feel left behind. You are exactly where you need to be. Be bold, be brave and continue to be your beautiful, authentic self.

Lily McCleary Photography

Stop Apologizing.

Stop apologizing for who you are, why you are the way you are, for your past, for your present, for ALL of it. You are perfectly you and there is no one like you. You are the wonderful this world has to offer and you have some demons you are sorting out -it’s a healthy balance and we are all just trying to survive. So, stop apologizing for being imperfect and start embracing your wonderful you, exactly where you are for who you are.

I find myself (really all the time) apologizing for being simply human. I apologize on my good days, my bad days and my in-between days. I apologize for being a bother, for being messed up, for being happy, for being sad, being in a bad mood, for my depression and anxiety -the list could go on and on. But why? Why do we apologize for being human? For being our normal selves? For feeling normal emotions? I literally apologize for being ME.

I apologize for being depressed and anxious, at what seems the most inconvenient times and the most random of times. When my depression and anxiety hit, they hit hard. I struggle through my day or days and I don’t know how to pull myself out of it. I typically don't share those moments with people because I get scared they will head for the hills. They will run away and never come back. They will think this is too much, that I am too much. When I even have the balls to admit I’m struggling, I immediately label myself as “crazy” and apologize to whoever gets the admission of my fear and sadness that I am feeling. I label myself because if they know that I too think what they are thinking, I won’t come across as terrible of a person. But a few things to point out here - 1. who says they are even thinking that?, 2. who says I am terrible because I am depressed and anxious?, and 3. who gives a fuck? Honestly, why do I truly care what someone thinks of my depression and anxiety? It doesn’t make me a bad person because I struggle. I admit my struggles and I am learning to grow and be better, daily. That’s enough for myself, so I need to let it be enough for others.

I apologize for my past abuse. I apologize to people for not being able to go to certain areas or do certain things because I am still healing from the trauma. The trauma that left scars, that most will never understand or comprehend. I apologize because I feel weak for letting it “hold” me back in certain areas of my life. But there is no timeline for healing. It is a process, and everyone processes differently. I am remembering that I came out on the other side. I am reminding myself of all the growth, strength and happiness I have gained. So, why am I apologizing for that? Why am I apologizing for admitting I went through something bad and while I may still be healing, I am a lot farther and better than I was when I first came out of it. I choose to remind myself of how far I have come and while I may not be where I want to be, I don’t need to apologize for it. Nobody gets to tell you how to heal, grow and flourish.

I apologize for being too much. I apologize for my loud mouth, my quiet moments, my unsure moments, my moments when my self-esteem is nowhere to be found, I apologize for caring, for getting angry and having feelings. I look at all of the things I apologize for and realize enough. Enough apologizing for having real emotions and wanting to express them. What you feel is valid and if someone makes you feel invalid, those aren’t the kind of people you want in your life. They don’t have to always understand but you want people who are going to say, “I may not understand, but I am listening. You are loved, cared for and I am not going anywhere”.

Please hear me when I say, YOU ARE ENOUGH. You do not have to apologize or tip-toe around anybody because you are scared they will run, that they will see you as more of a burden than a blessing. Everyone struggles, we handle it differently and that is okay. But please stop apologizing for working on yourself, being real, authentic and vulnerable with where you are at. I am learning every day to be stronger and stop hiding who I am. My journey is unique, it’s real, it’s ugly, it’s beautiful -it’s everything. I won’t apologize for that, not anymore. This journey is yours and how you choose to live it is up to you. But you’ll never truly be happy if you continue to apologize for simply being you. Be you, unapologetically.