Stop apologizing for who you are, why you are the way you are, for your past, for your present, for ALL of it. You are perfectly you and there is no one like you. You are the wonderful this world has to offer and you have some demons you are sorting out -it’s a healthy balance and we are all just trying to survive. So, stop apologizing for being imperfect and start embracing your wonderful you, exactly where you are for who you are.
I find myself (really all the time) apologizing for being simply human. I apologize on my good days, my bad days and my in-between days. I apologize for being a bother, for being messed up, for being happy, for being sad, being in a bad mood, for my depression and anxiety -the list could go on and on. But why? Why do we apologize for being human? For being our normal selves? For feeling normal emotions? I literally apologize for being ME.
I apologize for being depressed and anxious, at what seems the most inconvenient times and the most random of times. When my depression and anxiety hit, they hit hard. I struggle through my day or days and I don’t know how to pull myself out of it. I typically don't share those moments with people because I get scared they will head for the hills. They will run away and never come back. They will think this is too much, that I am too much. When I even have the balls to admit I’m struggling, I immediately label myself as “crazy” and apologize to whoever gets the admission of my fear and sadness that I am feeling. I label myself because if they know that I too think what they are thinking, I won’t come across as terrible of a person. But a few things to point out here - 1. who says they are even thinking that?, 2. who says I am terrible because I am depressed and anxious?, and 3. who gives a fuck? Honestly, why do I truly care what someone thinks of my depression and anxiety? It doesn’t make me a bad person because I struggle. I admit my struggles and I am learning to grow and be better, daily. That’s enough for myself, so I need to let it be enough for others.
I apologize for my past abuse. I apologize to people for not being able to go to certain areas or do certain things because I am still healing from the trauma. The trauma that left scars, that most will never understand or comprehend. I apologize because I feel weak for letting it “hold” me back in certain areas of my life. But there is no timeline for healing. It is a process, and everyone processes differently. I am remembering that I came out on the other side. I am reminding myself of all the growth, strength and happiness I have gained. So, why am I apologizing for that? Why am I apologizing for admitting I went through something bad and while I may still be healing, I am a lot farther and better than I was when I first came out of it. I choose to remind myself of how far I have come and while I may not be where I want to be, I don’t need to apologize for it. Nobody gets to tell you how to heal, grow and flourish.
I apologize for being too much. I apologize for my loud mouth, my quiet moments, my unsure moments, my moments when my self-esteem is nowhere to be found, I apologize for caring, for getting angry and having feelings. I look at all of the things I apologize for and realize enough. Enough apologizing for having real emotions and wanting to express them. What you feel is valid and if someone makes you feel invalid, those aren’t the kind of people you want in your life. They don’t have to always understand but you want people who are going to say, “I may not understand, but I am listening. You are loved, cared for and I am not going anywhere”.
Please hear me when I say, YOU ARE ENOUGH. You do not have to apologize or tip-toe around anybody because you are scared they will run, that they will see you as more of a burden than a blessing. Everyone struggles, we handle it differently and that is okay. But please stop apologizing for working on yourself, being real, authentic and vulnerable with where you are at. I am learning every day to be stronger and stop hiding who I am. My journey is unique, it’s real, it’s ugly, it’s beautiful -it’s everything. I won’t apologize for that, not anymore. This journey is yours and how you choose to live it is up to you. But you’ll never truly be happy if you continue to apologize for simply being you. Be you, unapologetically.
