Boundaries.

Let’s talk boundaries -

What are boundaries?
What do boundaries look like?
Are my boundaries too much?
Do I not have enough boundaries?

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

Boundaries are areas that you draw a strict line in the sand with people, places, or things that are necessary for your overall health and well being (my definition). Boundaries create a safe place for you to be able to exist as your most authentic self without the hinderance of other people, places, or things trying to bring you down. I like to think of it as necessary steps to take in order to be set free from past traumas, hurt, manipulation, and abuse of all kinds. When you start setting boundaries you will start to see a shift in your energy, mindset, and health. Boundaries don’t work unless you stand firm and stick to them. You can never have too many boundaries. Your boundaries are just that, yours.

Personally, I am all about boundaries.
I live for setting boundaries because I have seen the positive impact it has made in my life.
I have gained a whole new perspective and gained even more confidence.
Confidence in who I am and what I do and do not allow in my life.

I have boundaries set in place for certain people in my life.
I have boundaries set in place for certain things in my life.
I have boundaries set in place for certain environments in my life.
And I, absolutely, do not budge on these boundaries.

Setting boundaries for people in my life is big for me. I have ZERO tolerance for negativity, toxic behavior, manipulation, and abuse in any form. I stand firm in who I allow in my life and the people that I care about. I will not put up with mistreatment of any kind. Boundaries will be set until behavior is changed. Apologies are great but mean nothing without changed behavior. Read that again…apologies are great but mean nothing without changed behavior. This is so important to remember when setting boundaries with people in your life. It does not matter who they are family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, etc. If someone is displaying behavior you do not like and it effects your wellbeing, it is time to set boundaries. YOU are what is most important. YOU are what matters. YOU get to decide. Do not let someone tell you, your boundaries are too much. Boundaries are never too much when it comes to your overall health and wellbeing. Set boundaries, stick to them, stand strong, be brave, and do not budge for those who feel they are better than you or above you. They will either get right or get left right outside of those boundary lines.

Setting boundaries for places and things looks a little different from setting boundaries with people but overall, still the same. Boundaries look different for every situation. I set boundaries for the places I will go. If I feel like it will be unsafe, things will be taking place I am not comfortable with, or certain people will be a problem to me by going then I will not go. I will look at what is best for me and that means looking at the boundaries I have already set in place to make me feel safe and in my best mental head space. If you feel like you are in fight or flight mode that probably means boundaries need to be set and/or reexamined. When it comes to places and things, do not ever feel like you have to go or do something you do not want to do. It is okay to say “no” and if people judge you or belittle you for that, it’s time to look at setting boundaries for them as well.

Boundaries will forever be part of my vocabulary because I have seen what setting boundaries can do for me.
Surround yourself with people, places, and things that lift you up.
Be confident in who you are. Be confident in what you need. Be confident in all that you do.
Do not let someone tell you your boundaries are too much. They are too much for them because they feel threatened.
Do not allow toxic behavior, manipulation, negativity, or abuse into your life.
Let these boundaries be ones you set because it is what best for you and not what is best for others.

It’s time we stop worrying about what others think of you or how they view you and remember who you are. Stay true and authentic to yourself. Those who care will meet you where you are at and be respectful of you and your boundaries. Those who don’t will do what they can to see you fall. Those who don’t care will continue to do the devils work, don’t let them win. It’s okay to cut out what you need to cut out and keep what you want to keep. It’s okay to set boundaries, stand tall, and take nothing from nobody.

Be brave.
Be confident.
Be fearless.
Most importantly, be true to you.

Life Update.

Where have I been? That’s a good question.
I have not blogged in so long. I took an extended break.
I am officially back, and I think it’s only appropriate to start with an update.
Update on my life, update on where I am, update on where I am going.
Grab your morning cup of coffee and get cozy because here we go…

Last year was one of the BEST years of my life.
I was offered a new job opportunity at my school.
I got engaged then I decided to plan a wedding in 10 months.
I got married in November of 2022. Happiest day of my life.

If you know me and you know my story, I have never had the best luck in relationships and I was fully prepared to spend life alone. After a phsyically and emotionally abusive relationship, I was DONE with relationships for a while. I was content, I was happy, and I was thriving in my little one-bedroom apartment with my best mate and pup, Khloe. I was going on a few sporadic dates, but nothing ever came of them. I looked at it as, ‘okay, I went on the date. I did what I was supposed to. Can I get back to me now?’

Wonderful mindset, I know. But hey, I was focused on me for once. I was going to therapy, started regularly attending church again and getting involved, I was spending more time with family and friends, got a new job, and I was dedicated to growing my brand (which I still am but a different fire and passion lies there now). I finally stopped worrying about finding “the one” and just started living. God has always known the desires of my heart, to be a wife and mom, but it was not in the cards for me…yet.

Fast forward and wow, did God answer my prayers or what? He sent me my wonderful husband and an amazing bonus daughter. He gave me new opportunities in life that I did not think I wanted or was ready for. He gave me confidence that I never knew I could have. He gave me my voice back. He took my hand and lead me to where I was meant to be, and He still has so much planned for me. It was just a matter of me letting go of the control and giving it all to Him.

All this to say, I am living a life I have always prayed for. God does amazing things for those who believe in His plan; even the bad that comes along with that plan. I am grateful for every moment that has led me right to where I am. That is not to say it’s been easy. Let me tell you I have seen beyond rock bottom and some days I still get triggered and hide in my little shell. Other days I am thriving and on cloud 20. For the rest of my life, I will experience good days, bad days, and in-between days just like you will. It is part of life and how we handle each moment says the most.

I have a different perspective on life now which means my blogs may sound and read differently. I am okay with that because I am a wife. I am a bonus mom. I am a preschool teacher. I am a blogger. I am a business owner. I am a friend, daughter, niece, and the list goes on. But most importantly, I am me. As the seasons change, so do we. I want to take you on that journey with me. I want to share my experiences. I want to share my knowledge. I want to continue being honest with you and hopefully, inspire you through real, raw moments.

Real and raw moments of marriage, motherhood, working and maintaining a household, being a businesswoman while still keeping my family my #1 priority, staying motivated, staying focused, and whatever else comes up in this crazy thing we call life. We cannot predict the future but it sure helps to have someone who understands that life does not always work out how it should but there is always something to learn in every moment. Each moment, good or bad, happens for a reason and it’s important we don’t take them for granted. Be real, be raw, be you -my life motto.

So, here’s to 2023 and new beginnings. Same me just in a different season of life. Every week will be a new blog, workout, recipe, and self-care tip. Every week will be me sharing what’s on my mind. You may relate, you may not relate and be waiting for the next blog to come out to see what else I have to give or offer. Either way thanks for sticking with me this last year. I know I was MIA. It may have felt like I gave up on something that fuels my soul. I didn’t though. I wanted to give all my attention to moments that I had been praying for and really living in each one because I knew I would never get it back.

It feels good to be back. It feels good to be sharing what I am so passionate about and that’s creating a healthy lifestyle you love, and don’t forget that looks different for everyone. What matters is that you wake up and keep going every single day. You don’t give up the good fight of whatever you may be facing. You keep pushing ahead even on the hard days.

Remember, we are in this together. Let’s keep creating the life we were destined for, one day at a time. You totally got this. I totally got this. We totally got this.

Love Yourself Right Where You Are.

Love yourself right where you are -this is one of the most important parts of your journey into a life of health, happiness and wellness.

Self-love is where it all starts. You cannot fully step into your best self until you realize your worth.
You are important. You are valued. You are worthy of everything amazing this world has to offer you.
The only thing stopping you? Your self-doubt. Your worries. Your negative self-talk.

You are your only obstacle. Read that again. YOU ARE YOUR ONLY OBSTACLE.

Stop worrying about what others think or will think of you.
Stop stressing over what hasn’t happened.
Stop doubting your worth and potential.
Stop the negative self-talk that consumes your daily thoughts.

It is vital to learn to love yourself right where you are. Right in this exact moment. Who you see when you look in the mirror, yup love that person with your whole heart and soul. Imagine that person you see in the mirror achieving, believing and living life to the full extent.

It is easy for us to point out our own flaws and missteps. It is easy to let those flaws and missteps define who we are. We let others define us by those same exact things. But what would life look like if you chose to see the beauty and goodness in yourself? If you chose to ignore what others said and finally put yourself first?

I will tell you, it is an amazing step in a wonderful journey ahead. A journey of self-love and appreciation for who you are and who you are becoming. Will it be easy? Nope. You’ll fall back into the same old habits a time or two. I know I have and that’s okay. It happens. Who cares? KEEP FUCKING GOING.

Learning to love yourself right where you are will bring you new opportunities, blessings and happiness you have yet to experience. I promise you. How do I know? Because I have experienced it myself. I am walking proof that when you shift your mindset, change your habits and find a new level of love for yourself things start to fall right into place. Things start to happen.

So keep fighting the good fight. Keep walking out your truth. Love yourself fiercely and live unapologetically. This is your life and you deserve all the good things. Manifest your goals and dreams. Manifest goodness into your life. Start right now, right here.

You totally got this.

Motivation to Move.

The key to a healthy life is to make sure you are taking care of yourself fully. Stop trying to take shortcuts and stop selling yourself short. You are capable of a fulfilled, happy, beautiful life but you can’t reach your full potential if you are cheating yourself on the way.

What do I mean by that? Well let’s unpack this…

• Positive Mindset

• Self-Care

• Healthier Eating Choices

• Move for 30 Minutes, Daily

• Love Yourself

These are 5 things I am constantly preaching about when it comes to taking care of yourself and learning how to live a healthy lifestyle for life. I talk about it on my social media platforms (Instagram, Facebook, etc.) as well as the countless blogs I have written. These 5 areas are so important to your health and wellness. I mean, IMPORTANT. You can’t do one and not the other.

So today, let’s dive dep into bullet point #4 -move for 30 minutes, daily. Notice how I didn’t say get to the gym, workout for an hour or two, take a break then go run 5 miles. No, no, and no. Who has time for all of that? Let me tell you, NOT ME. But it is vital that you are moving for 30 minutes, at least, every single day. It can literally be anything.

Go for walk.
Go on a hike.
Ride your bicycle.
Have a dance party.
Do some yoga.
Stretch.
Swim.

These are just a few ways you can move your body and trust me, I could go on but I’ll stop right there with those. There are countless ways to get moving, you just gotta stop making excuses for yourself and just get moving. You have to stop with the…

”I don’t have time”
”I am too exhausted”
”Ugh, I hate working out”
”I couldn’t make it through * insert specific activity *”
”I am way too out of shape for that”

STOP. STOP. STOP.

Those are excuses and we are done making excuses for ourselves.
You have the time, I promise. You have time to binge watch Netflix, you got time to move.
You have the energy. It’s the self-doubt of starting that makes you feel exhausted. Push through.
It’s not a workout when you are doing something you actually like. Figure it out.
You can make it through. Stop trying to start big and take baby steps.
You are never to out of shape to get up and move. Ever. Also, refer to previous advice -start small.

My motivation/advice to get you moving today and every day from here on out is that tough love. You have to want a healthier, happier life for yourself. You have to stop with the negative self-talk. You have to stop with the excuses.

What you need to do is start. Start today. Start where you are. Start now.
Remind yourself of your goals and why you are doing this.
Have your people hold you accountable.
Push through and stay determined even in difficult moments.
Most importantly, always remember, you are stronger than your strongest excuse.

You have to want this for yourself and nobody else. You have to want better. You have to do better. We will all face weak moments, bad moments, and all the in-between but let me tell you those moments don’t define us. What does define us? The moments we choose to persevere and overcome.

This is your moment.
This is your now.
This is your motivation to get moving.
Now, GO. You totally got this.

Change Your Habits, Fuel Your Body.

Change your habits.
Fuel your body.

Changing habits can be hard.
Breaking bad habits can be even more of a challenge.

So let’s get right down to it because we all know where I am headed with today’s blog…eating is a tricky subject and can be difficult to address. Choosing healthier options can be tough.

BUT I get asked all the time, “How do you stay so consistent with your eating?”…
”What’s your secret?”…”I always crave the bad things”…”I just can’t give up eating my favorite junk foods”. So let’s talk about it! Let’s dive deeper into the subject of eating.

Hey, I am not perfect. I love me some junk food. And don’t get me started on the goodness of pizza. If I could eat pizza every day, I would. But that just doesn’t fit with my lifestyle anymore. I want to fuel my body in the best possible way and if I expect my body to perform at its best then I have to be mindful of what I am fueling it with.

Yes, living healthy isn’t all about working out and eating salads. That’s not where I want you to think this is headed. You can still enjoy your favorite foods but how you enjoy those foods may need to be adjusted. We can’t expect to eat pizza, candy, fast food, etc. every day and expect our bodies and mind to function properly and at their best. We need to nourish our bodies with nutrient rich foods. You have to incorporate your daily dose of water, fruits, and vegetables. Blah, blah, blah…boring, I know. We’ve heard it all before. Hear me out though.

When I decided it was time for a change it was hard. Make a meal at home or Taco Tuesday at Rosa’s? LOL, I know you get me. We’ve all been there.

I realized I could not make changes by just going cold turkey and vowing never to eat unhealthy foods again. That’s not realistic, at least for me. So, I decided to start small. I started researching. I researched healthy meal ideas, how much water I should be drinking, the normal amount of fruits and veggies I should be eating. I educated myself on what my body needed (not wanted) and put a plan into action. I wrote out my goals and how I would (fingers crossed) accomplish those goals.

My first goal…cut out soda. Yes, I used to be a HUGE soda drinker. Hello Sonic Happy Hour! Haha. I started replacing my soda with flavored water and regular water. Once I got into the habit of choosing just water and meeting my daily intake goal, I moved onto limiting my fast food intake. I created goals for myself every 2 weeks. The first 2 week I could only eat out 3x a week. The next 2 weeks only 1x a week to where eventually I wasn’t really eating out at all. And the cycled continued with all of my goals.

Here’s the thing, you have to set goals for yourself and you have to be committed through it all. Even in the weak moments when you give in and you feel like you’ve failed, you keep going. It wasn’t easy for me. Told myself I would only eat out 3x a week and I found myself having my 5th fast food meal, it happens. But what did I do? I forgave myself, I kept going, and eventually what seemed impossible became possible. It became a new lifestyle for me because I never gave up on myself or my health. I didn’t shame myself for not sticking with my goals. I worked through every moment and asked myself how I could do and choose wiser for next time. You can still have your favorite foods, I know I still do but I have reached a point where I control how much and when.

Life is about choices. You can absolutely choose better, do better, and be better. But it all begins when you decide to start. To start living for a healthier you. Healthier doesn’t mean “skinny”. Healthier doesn’t mean “I need to workout for 5 hours every day and have a salad for every meal”.

Healthier means loving yourself, flaws and all. Healthier means choosing nutrient rich foods that fuel you. Healthier means creating new habits. It won’t be easy but you have to start somewhere. And choosing healthier options doesn’t have to be boring…I have so many delicious recipes that are more than what you are thinking healthy is. I eat my carbs and enjoy my cheese but I enjoy those things in moderation and in healthy ways (for ideas go check out my recipes page).

Set goals. Be realistic about those goals. And remember, eating to fuel your body, mind, and spirit doesn’t have to be boring or hard. Do your research. Stop looking to other’s for validation. Figure out what’s best for you.

YOU TOTALLY GOT THIS.

Creating a Healthy Lifestyle for Life.

“I stay on track for a while then I just lose it. I’ll never be able to always have a healthy lifestyle.”

I hear this all the time. I hear “never” and “can’t”. I hear doubt and fear.
Don’t believe the lies. You absolutely can. You are so capable. You totally got this.
How do I know this? Because I used to say and feel those things. All. The. Time.
But I didn’t let that define my journey and what I knew I was capable of.

So, how do I get to that point? How do I create AND keep a healthy lifestyle for life?
Simple…START NOW. Stop waiting and start doing. No more excuses.
In order to create and keep a healthy lifestyle for life you have to start.
Are you going to fail? Yes. Are you going to have disappointing days? Yes.
Are you going to get back up? Yes. Are you going to keep going? Yes.

That’s where we find ourselves giving up and saying, “never” like it’s a fashion statement.
We let our failures and missteps define us and our journey. We let is determine our capabilities.
That’s the last thing failures and missteps should do to you.

Our failures and missteps should show you resiliency. It should show you strength.
It should show you determination. It should show you that you are capable. It should show you, YOU CAN.
Let your failures and missteps propel you forward and guide you into a new, better you.

What does starting now look like?

1. It looks like showing up every single day. It’s not going to be easy and most days you are going to want to quit. You are going to want to talk yourself out of a life you deserve. Don’t let yourself stay there. Acknowledge your feelings, what made you feel that way, what you learned, and how you can be better next time. It’s all about remembering not to give up.
   KEEP. SHOWING. UP. ALWAYS.

2. Living a healthy lifestyle doesn’t mean being skinny, eating salads every meal, and working out 24/7. That’s not what living healthy is all about. Yes, it’s great to learn to choose healthier options and finding time to move for 30 minutes a day. But it is, also, about finding balance. Living a healthy lifestyle means taking care of yourself mentally as much as you do physically. It means setting boundaries for yourself and others. It means taking self-care days. It means taking care of yourself from the inside-out.

3. Lastly, living a healthy lifestyle for life can be accomplished through creating routines and habits for yourself. That’s what setting boundaries for yourself looks like. It looks like creating a routine for your every day life. And yes I know, life happens and sometimes we get thrown off course but that goes back to my showing up every single day spill above. Create habits that show a reflection of who you want to be and who you know you can be. You can’t expect to just show up with no plan. Creating a healthy lifestyle for life means having a blueprint to start from and continuing to build on that blueprint until it becomes a firm, structured building that doesn’t waiver. And remember, this takes time.

Yes, life happens. Yes, we are thrown curveballs.
Yes, we face disappointments and failure. Yes, we will be judged.
Don’t let these things stop you. Overcome and conquer.
Allow yourself the time to learn and grow. Be patient with yourself.

Creating a healthy lifestyle for life is totally possible.
Start Now.
Show Up. Every. Single. Day.
Create Boundaries.
Learn to Love Yourself.
Take Care of Yourself.
Have a Plan.
Never Give Up…

YOU TOTALLY GOT THIS.

Reflecting On Thirty.

How am I already another year older? How did my 30th year on this earth go by so fast? How am I 31 already? What, what, what?

2020. It was the year of the great pandemic. The year of quarantine. The year I turned the big 3-0.
The year I looked to with much anticipation and dread. Where I was isn’t where I imagined my life to be.

I was alone when it felt like everyone else had their person.
Starting over at a new job while figuring out quarantine life.
No kids when I felt everyone else was experiencing the joy of parenthood.
*side note before someone goes crazy on me -not saying parenthood is easy but I can only imagine the journey and joy parenthood brings to one’s life. Anyways, moving on…

These are the 3 main things that were big for me.
They were big to me because I had a timeline of my life planned out.
And when that timeline didn’t happen exactly as planned let me tell you, I WAS NOT HAPPY.

We all have things that are big to us but small to others.
We all reflect on life at a certain point and think, ‘this is it?’
We all have our moments.
And that’s okay. These moments are valid.

For me, mine was turning 30. It was my time of reflection. It was my ‘this is it?’ moment. I didn’t imagine I would be single, living alone, no kids, and starting completely over in life. But it happens and what I know now is that life happens and every moment serves a purpose.

There is reason and meaning behind every single moment and how we choose to look and act on these moments determines our next steps. Determines our future. What path do I choose? Where do I go from here?

• Do I choose negativity and defeat?

• Do I choose to move forward and make the most of what I have?

Spoiler Alert…

I choose the latter. I choose to move forward with determination and make the most of what God had given me in that exact moment. After all, I know God is always working in my favor and He had something to tell me in that moment that went beyond my doubts and fears.

And I say this with certainty and confidence (now) because fast forward a year later, I am exactly where I prayed I wanted to be (well, mostly lol). Was I this certain and confident living it out to this moment? Uhm, NO. I am not here to say I didn’t ssttrrruuugggllleeeee because I, one thousand percent, did. But if there is one thing I was during that time of growth…I was determined.

I continued to work on myself, grow in my journey, and most importantly, pray.
I didn’t give up on God and His plans for me (even if it looked a bit different than expected).
I didn’t give up working on myself through therapy and self-love.
I didn’t give up on my journey and the goodness I knew was to come.

I love my job and, I am continuing to grow and learn every single day. My job has lit a new passion inside of me for teaching and I have the opportunity to continue my education and knowledge in what I love to do -teach and make a difference in every single child I encounter. What more could I ask for?!

And what do you know, I found the perfect human for me that challenges me to better every single day, in the best possible way, and helps me not take life so seriously. He manages to make me smile even in trying moments and while we may not be perfect (nobody is), we definitely are perfect for each other. God gave me someone not to complete me but to compliment me. He’s my person and I thank God for every single relationship that didn’t work out before him, and for teaching me to be patient in the wait because it sure was worth the wait.

While I may not have everything I want in this exact moment I have everything I need and for that I am grateful.

The same can be true for you. If you are experiencing your ‘this is it?’ moment just know the best is yet to come. I promise. Don’t give up. Stay hopeful. Stay determined.

If you aren’t experiencing ‘this is it?’ moment and life is perfect, well hats off to you and keep rocking it.

But for most of us, I think we can agree that life isn’t what we expected it to be. What we had planned didn’t exactly go as planned. Am I right?!

Through all the highs, lows, failures, successes, happy moments, sad moments, and all the in between, life has a funny way of working out exactly as it should. So, as I reflect on another year of life I am truly grateful for where God has me in life. I encourage you to do the same. Find your light, push through, and never give up the good fight.

Life will, no doubt, always have its difficulties and struggles but it is how we come out on the other side that matters most. So here’s to another year around the sun. I am ready to see what 31 has in store for me.

Sitting Still.

Sitting Still.
- What does that mean?
- What does that look like?
- I struggle with this.
- There’s no way, I have to much to do.

I believe deep down we all struggle with sitting still. We are constantly on the go. We have a never ending to-do list that needs to get done. We have demands that have to get met. We have responsibilities that cannot wait. We have people that are counting on us to make life happen. We need to feel productive.

Can you relate? I know I can.

I have a really hard time with sitting still.
I have a problem with feeling like something is not getting done.
I have a problem with feeling lazy and unproductive.
I have a problem saying, “no” and taking on more than I can handle.
I have a problem with resting even though I know I need it.

I don’t know if you can relate but sitting still for me brings anxious thoughts. It causes me to overthink every single situation, every single word spoken by another. It causes me to create a false reality of my present moment. It causes me to become extremely emotional and at times, irrational. Do I mean to be this way? Absolutely not. Do I do this on purpose? Goodness no.

In these moments I have learned to show myself grace while also working on a solution because without a solution one can spiral -I am the first to admit that. In these moments I am honest with myself and those around me that it may be effecting. It is important to have an open line of communication with yourself and others -understanding and grace is key to coming out on the other side of this battle better than ever before.

What would it look like if we changed our mindset?
What would it look like if we gave ourselves permission to rest?
What would it look like if we gave ourselves permission to sit still?
How could it change our lives for the better?

I have 5 simple ways you can change your thought process. I have 5 simple reminders of why sitting still is vital to your overall health. I am not saying remember these 5 simple reminders anytime you feel guilty about sitting still and you will now feel ready to sit still whenever, wherever and not have a care in the world. But you do have to start somewhere, am I right? You have to be willing to start to find a solution that eventually works for you, in your own special way.

1. Sitting still will bring me clarity -stillness is not a way to problem solve but it allows me a way to step back and gain perspective that I normally wouldn’t have in the middle of something that is troubling me.

2. Increases my self-awareness -this allows me to be more aware of myself and who I am in the world. I notice myself and habits more, and I can take more ownership of things happening in my life rather than staying in a negative, victim mindset.

3. Ability to listen to my own intuition -in stillness I am better able to silence negative voices streaming through my head and better able to tap into what is true for me. What is true of my reality.

4. Anchoring myself in the present -all of my thoughts are often times focused on the future. The obstacles, challenges, endless tasks, and unknowns. This moment of stillness allows me to deal with what is and not what might be. To remind myself that living in the present allows me to create a better future.

5. Connection to a higher power -this one keeps me grounded in knowing that my God is at work for my greater good. My story is part of a much larger story that is unfolding, not on my time but His. It allows me to see what He has already done and what He is currently doing without living in fear of the future because my higher power is conspiring on my behalf.

These are all things I am mindful of when sitting still and let me tell you it has been a game changer for me. I tap into each one of these and allow myself to focus on each one for a few minutes or however long I choose. There is no wrong or right way.

Sitting still is never a bad thing and the sooner we come to terms with this the better off we will be. Take time today to go over these reminders of why sitting still can benefit you and your overall health. Stop saying it’s impossible and make it possible even if it is only for a few minutes until you build your way up.

You totally got this.

Lily McCleary Photography

Boundaries.

Boundaries. Personal Boundaries.

Personal boundaries are limits that another person creates to recognize reasonable and safe ways for others to behave towards them and how they respond when someone passes those limits.

Boundaries are so important to have because they help set the basic guidelines of how you want to be treated by another. It is a way to protect our energy and an important practice of self-love.

But don’t get building walls up and personal boundaries confused. Building walls up to keep everyone out is NOT the route we are going for here. We want to be able to sense what we need for ourselves and be able to access your voice to speak those things. It is important you don’t shut people out of your life because they are not aware of your boundaries. Many people will cross that line and having boundaries allows you to speak to them, in a healthy manner, and let them know where they have overstepped.

Don’t expect people to just know your boundaries though. Teach the ones you care about the boundaries you have set for yourself and what you expect out of them. Their reaction determines their level of respect for you and where you head next.

What boundaries should I be setting for myself?
What boundaries do I deserve?
What boundaries are reasonable?

Here are 3 simple boundaries you can start with today -

1. Physical Boundaries - which include personal space and physical needs such as rest, food, and water. It is okay to say “no” to plans because you are feeling tired and need rest. It is okay to say “I need a break”. It is okay to say “No, do not touch me like that” or “You are too close for me to feel comfortable”. It’s okay to use your voice for unwanted attention or touch.

2. Emotional Boundaries - which includes respecting and honoring your feelings. This sets up a limit of when to share, when not to share, and how to respect and respond to other’s emotional needs. Dismissing feelings, criticizing, assuming, or telling someone how they should or should not feel is not acceptable. Instead create healthy dialogue. “When I share my feelings with you and get judged, it makes me feel…” or “I am having a hard time this is what would help…” or “I may not fully understand what you are feeling but would like to. Please help me”.

3. Time Boundaries - your time is valuable and protecting how it is utilized helps you better understand how to prioritize and not overcommit yourself in any area of life. When you understand your priorities, it is much easier to manage your time and create healthy boundaries with others. It is okay to say, “I can only stay for an hour” or “I would love to help but would be overcommitting myself. How about another day"?” or “I can’t this weekend”.

I find myself working on these 3 boundaries daily. It is easy to guilt ourselves into not being able to say “no” or not using our voices to articulate how we are feeling or how another made us feel. It is easier to just sit back and hope someone realizes what you need instead of having to tell them. But is that a healthy way to live? Absolutely not.

Start creating personal boundaries today. There is no wrong or right way to go about this. The boundaries you create for yourself are ones that should create a healthier environment for you to feel safe in, as well as creating a true form of self-love in respecting what you need. But remember, you can’t expect others to know these boundaries and don’t create unrealistic ones either. It’s not about building a wall to keep everyone out but building a line to help create healthy relationships with others and yourself.

Lily McCleary Photography

Finding Your Why.

What is your why?

Everyone has one -it is a purpose or belief that drives us, every single day.

What is your purpose?
What makes you come alive?
How will you measure your life?

Knowing your why is an important first step in figuring out how to achieve your goals and create a life you enjoy living. The life you’ve always dreamed about. When you know your ‘why’ you’ll find the inner courage (that’s always been there) to take risks, stay motivated during the difficult times, and to move your life into a more exciting, challenging, and rewarding direction.

It’s important you aren’t sitting still in your right now.
It’s important you are making moves, no matter how small they may be.
It’s important to figure out your purpose and plan.

And it all doesn’t have to happen right now. You can take the time to figure it out. It is going to be a trial and error process. You are going to make mistakes along the way. You may question your ‘why’, your purpose, your plan, and all of that is okay. That’s what this life journey is all about. Take it one day at a time.

But if you are finding yourself stuck and unsure I encourage you to just start today. Start right where you are. Start understanding your ‘why’ and living it out every single day. Stop waiting for tomorrow. Stop waiting for a sign. Stop wishing. Just start doing.

Take the time each morning and evening to sit down with your ‘why’.
Answer the questions above and feel free to adjust your responses as needed.

Remind yourself why you are doing.
Remind yourself of your purpose.
Remind yourself of your plan.
Remind yourself of where you thrive the most.
Remind yourself of what makes you happy.

Mindset is key in realizing and understanding your ‘why’.
Negativity won’t get you to where you are going.
Positivity changes it all and will propel you forward.

Make today the day. Make today the day you change your life.
Make today the moment you decide to live. You’ve totally got this.

Hello 2021.

2020 was a year of change, growth, and blessings.
2021 will be a year of continued change, growth, and blessings.

I can’t sit here and say 2020 was completely terrible. 2020 brought many things with it.
It was a year of good and bad, mixed together to bring a year of strength and growth.
Strength from the inside to overcome hardships and celebrate victories.
Growth to continue to evolve into who God has created me to be.

Life in 2020 was no walk in the park. I faced a career change which brought about personal change.
In the middle of a career change came a pandemic that challenged me in more ways than one.

I faced living completely alone and it got really lonely some days.
I lost my grandfather, who I am still deeply hurting for.
I missed not being able to say goodbye to my students at the end of the school year.
I felt a heavy weight of depression and anxiety from the unknown.

But in the middle of the chaos and uncertainty…

I completed a 100 day workout challenge.
I focused on what I was fueling my body with.
I changed who I surrounded myself with (kind of had to with a pandemic and all).
I talked and prayed more with God, creating a deeper relationship with Him.
I worked on myself through intense journaling and therapy (via Zoom, of course).
I learned to completely love myself right where I was.

So no, 2020 wasn’t all that bad.

Entering into a new year I am completely confident that I will continue to grow in all areas of life, find success, and even be humbled by some failures. All of these moments propels us into where we are going.

If there is one thing I have learned it is to embrace every part of life as it is. Embrace the happy, sad, good, and bad. Each moment is a moment to learn, grow, and be better than before. Be present in the now. Stop dwelling on the past and look forward to what the future has to offer you.

I’m not saying I don’t have worries, fears or doubts. I absolutely do. But I don’t let those worries, fears or doubts control my life. I don’t let those moments hold me back. I continue to push ahead and give my all.

I encourage you to change your outlook on what last year brought to you and what this year has to offer.

We can look back on 2020 and talk about how terrible it was, how we are so glad it’s over and how it will be a year we never talk about again. Or we can look back on 2020 with an open heart and understand while there may have been some bad moments there were good moments too. And I promise you there was good in there.

We can sit here in 2021 and wonder if this year will be like the last. Or we can build off of what we know and continue to forge ahead with positivity and faith.

I will continue to put my best foot forward. I will continue to be better every day.
I will continue to give my all in everything that I do. I will continue to chase after my dreams.
I will continue to show love, grace, and mercy to myself and those around me.
I will continue to show up every single day, even when I don’t want to.

Last year may not have been what you expected, wanted or needed.
I don’t think it was what anybody expected, wanted or needed.
And that’s okay.

This year has the potential to be all that you want it to be.
You only need to show up, be great, give your best and do your best.
Continue to have faith in the unknown and never give up.

So, here’s to 2021. We’ve got this friends.

Transforming

Earlier this week I made an Instagram post about Transformation Tuesday because that’s a thing right?

Anyways, I thought about doing my usual spill about how I have lost 45 pounds (which I am super proud of) and posting side by side photos of myself, showing the weight I’ve lost and how far I have come. I got to thinking, though, that’s not what health and wellness is all about but that’s what we tend to see. ALL. THE. TIME. We tend to see the weight loss journey people go through and their (awesome) transformations. And don’t get me wrong, it is so great to see such amazing transformations and seeing people reach their goals. I am literally dancing in my chair right now, at the kitchen table, genuinely happy seeing people working hard and hitting unbelievable milestones.

BUT if I am being honest, that’s not what health and wellness is strictly about. We can’t forget to love ourselves. We can’t forget that our health and wellness is more than just a number on a scale or a number on a pair of pants. Of course I highly encourage you to take care of yourself -choose healthier foods, drink water, be active, etc. But when do we stop and remember that this journey we are on is more than just working out and eating right? When do we stop and remember that this is about loving ourselves from the inside-out too? I mean, when is that last time you truly sat back and smiled for no reason because life is just that damn amazing, and you can look at yourself with happiness and pride?

You will never truly be happy with your physical appearance, if you aren’t happy with who you are as a person.

Let me say that again…you will never truly be happy with your physical appearance, if you aren’t happy with who you are as a person.

8 years ago I was finishing up college.
I gained 45 pounds.
I wasn’t happy with myself.
Wasn’t sure what was next for me.
Drank a lot. Slept a little.
Did what I could to fit in.
Made some wrong choices.

It was such a hard time for me.
It was hard because I didn’t love myself.
It was hard because I wasn’t taking care of myself.
It was hard because I hated parts of myself. A lot.

Slowly I started to workout, make healthier eating choices and lose that “freshman” 45. But something wasn’t right, I was still so unhappy with who I was. How could I not love myself when I just reached my goal weight? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just be happy?

I started to realize I wasn’t happy because I didn’t love who I was as a person.
I still had some serious work to do and it’s a beautiful thing to recognize that.
My transformation was becoming more than just about physical appearance.
My transformation had everything to do with learning self-love and acceptance.

Transforming isn’t always about losing weight.
Transforming is about letting go of the toxic.
Transforming is about embracing where you are going.
Transforming is about living each day with purpose.
Transforming is about never giving up.

I encourage you this morning, wherever you are at, to keep transforming into who you were meant to be. Not just transforming your physical appearance, but transforming how you love yourself. How you talk to yourself. How you live out each moment. Focus on the transformation that is going to propel you forward into you living your best life. You totally got this.

Conquer

You go through it.
You heal.
You grow.
You conquer.

There is life after pain, heartbreak and suffering.
There is life after failure, disappointment and struggle.
There is life after hitting rock bottom.

Life has a way of working out in your favor, always.
Sometimes you just have to work a little hard and fight a little longer to find your way back to the light.
Find your way back to the life you know is yours and that you deserve.

I’ve been through it. I’ve been through the pain.
I’ve been broken and bruised (physically and emotionally).
I’ve been helpless and hopeless. I’ve been lost and scared.
But if there is one thing I know to be true, you never have to stay there.

There is help out there for you. You just have to be able to admit you need help.
You have to come to terms with where you are at and figure out what it is you have to do. For you.
And that’s a problem we tend to have. We don’t like asking for help. We don’t like admitting we messed up, we made a mistake. We don’t like showing our weaknesses. We don’t like feeling like we are the only ones who couldn’t get it right.

That was a problem I had and it is something that held me back. It held me back for 3 long years.
It held me back from living the life God had called me to live.
It held me back from going after my dreams and goals.
It held me back from being my most authentic self.
It held me back from a lot of things this life had to offer me.

How did I come out on the other side and how do I know you can do it too?
By the 4 simple steps I have laid out over these last 4 weeks…

-Go through it.
-Heal
-Grow
-Conquer

All of these steps are absolutely possible but they can be scary, and I get that.
But you have to start somewhere.
It starts with reaching out and asking for help.
It starts with admitting you took a wrong turn and it doesn’t mean it’s your fault.
It starts with knowing you deserve better.

We all go through something that changes us. That calls us on a different path.
That shows up who we are and what we are really made of. We all face challenges.
Life is no walk in the park. Not for one single person.
Don’t let social media fool you on that one.

Conquering life’s challenges and missteps begins with the moment you got through it, you start to heal from it and grow into the person you know you were meant to be.

This isn’t easy and trust me, I know from experience.
But remember, you are not alone. You are wanted.
You are needed. You are cared for. You are valued.
Don’t let the world and the darkness take this life away from you.

You were meant for so much more.
Keep fighting. Keep working. Keep being you.

There is life after all the bad shit that happened to you. You only need to go through it, heal, grow and conquer. Take it one day at a time. One step at time. You are so worthy of a beautiful life.

How do I know this?

Because I am living proof that through all the bad shit you can always come out on top.
You can always rise from the ashes and make this the life you know you deserve.

*If you or someone you know is going through domestic abuse, there is help out there for you or them. Visit www.thehotline.org for all the resources you need or if it is an emergency please dial 911. Nobody deserves to be mistreated. Don’t wait until it is too late.

Growing

Growing is hard. Growing means facing your demons. Growing means admitting you haven’t had the best experiences. Growing means being honest about what life has dealt you. Growing means being honest in who you are and laying every broken, shattered piece out on the table to be able to put back together again. Those pieces may never fit back the same way but you put those pieces back together to create a new picture. You put yourself back together stronger than before. Growing means taking action.

Domestic violence is something I never thought I would experience. I always told myself I would never allow someone to mistreat me. I would never allow someone to take advantage of me. I would never be “that girl”. But guess what? I ended up being that girl. I ended up being everything I said I would never be and I was beyond disappointed in myself.

Healing from abuse was hard because I had to admit I was in a position that wasn’t the best. Growing from the abuse was even harder because I had to do something about it. I had to physically get up every single day and make things happen for myself.

I didn’t want to do that.
I didn’t want anyone to see how broken I truly was.
I didn’t want to be judged or looked at differently.

I wanted to hide from the world.

I never thought I would heal but when I did start to heal, I started to see that growth I so desperately wanted and needed. I started to see my full potential. I started believing in myself again. I started loving myself. I started making things happen.

Of course there were days I did not want to get out of bed. I cried and screamed at God. I felt stuck. I felt like at such a young age that I let myself down. I let my parents down. I let the ones who cared about me down. I felt like a burden to those around me. I gave up a part of me to something that was suppose to be my forever. Disappointment, angry, regret and sadness were feelings I felt almost every single day.

But what happens when you are growing? You make life happen anyways and that’s exactly what I did. Through all of my doubts and harsh realities, I decided to show up and put in the work and it was hard. I showed up even on the days that I really felt life would be better if I wasn’t here. And this isn’t to make you feel sorry for me, but this is to show you healing and growing are two things that take work. Genuine hard work. Hard work on yourself and the life you want to make for yourself after the trauma.

Healing was the easier of the two.
I was able to talk about my letdown.
I was able to share my experience.
I was able to let go of my fears.
I was able to say how I got to this place.

Growing was the harder of the two.
I had to physically take action.
I had to fight to get out of bed, every day.
I had to put my goals into action now.
I had to do something.

The best decision I ever made in this journey was to plant the seed.
Water it. Love it. Care for it. Put in the work. And watch it grow.

There is no growing without the healing.
One may be hard than the other.
But that’s what it’s all about, right?

The work and dedication to being a better you.
You work hard. You never give up.
You fight for the life you know you deserve.

Because sometimes in this life…

You go through it.

But…

You heal.
You grow.
You conquer.

Healing

Healing. Healing my brokenness. Healing myself. Healing from the inside out.

When you go through domestic violence it changes you.
It changes how you think, who you are, what you do.
You become somebody you swore you’d never become.
You wonder if you’ll ever get your smile back.
You question your worth and what you have to offer this world.
You question if anyone could ever love you and cherish you.

What does healing even mean?
How long will healing take?
Am I forever going to be healing and broken?
How will I know if I am healed?

These are questions I have asked myself countless times.
If I am being honest, I still ask myself these questions at times.
While I know I have come a long way, I still feel I have a ways to go.
After all, healing takes time. It’s a process. It’s a journey and it’s a hard one.
It doesn’t happen overnight and I am giving myself grace and time with it.
It’s important for me to.

What has healing looked like for me?
It has looked messy, scary, ugly and beautiful -all at the same time.

I’ve let myself cry endless tears.
Tears of sadness for not doing better, not knowing better.
Tears of angry for allowing someone to treat me that way.
Tears of frustration for having to start over -literally rock bottom.

I’ve gone through countless therapy sessions.
I worked through why I allowed such treatment.
I worked through being let down.
I worked through my insecurities.
I worked through my demons.

I’ve allowed myself to start from the bottom at the age of 27.
I lived with my parents for a year -their unconditional love got me through the darkest of moments.
I worked as much as a I could while going back to school.
I slowly started seeing a future for myself where I didn’t have to be scared.
I started to take those small steps forward to get back out on my own again.

I’ve started to allow myself to just be me.
I started sharing my story.
I started becoming stronger.
I found my voice again.
I found happiness and joy in life.
I found me.

While I will never fully get back who I was before all the bad shit happened to me, I can say I really like this new me. I wouldn’t want that old me back. She was a special girl who was broken and lost her light. But this new girl, she’s ready to conquer the world. She has a new light within her ready to shine brighter than before.

I’m ready to embrace this next chapter I have worked so hard for. I have found confidence in who I am. I have found a new smile to share with the world. I have taken steps to better my future. I am ready to give my all to someone again. I am ready to be loved and cherished the right way. I know my worth. I know my heart. I know what I want for myself. I know my future is bright.

I am not saying I have all the answers. We all heal differently. Every situation is different. But my hope for you is that you never give up. Don’t stop fighting for happier, healthier days. At rock bottom? It happens. Hear me when I say this, you are NOT alone. You are strong and more than capable. Don’t be scared to leave and never look back. Your future is waiting for you and it’s going to be amazing. You’re going to have to work for it but trust me, it will be worth it.

I still have my moments of insecurity, doubts and fears. We all do. But the difference between then and now? I am not going to let those insecurities, doubts or fears stop me from living a beautiful life. I am going to continue to heal, work hard, love hard and be me because at the end of the day, I am a survivor not a victim. And this life will be everything I make of it.

My 100 Day Experience.

Recently I took part in a 100 Day Workout Challenge, and let me tell you it was definitely different.
That’s right 100 days STRAIGHT of working out. No breaks, no excuses. Just action.
I didn’t know if I had it in me to do 100 days but I sure was going to give it a shot.

Along the way, I started to see a change in myself from the inside-out.
I started feeling inspired again. I felt motivated and confident. I had purpose in each day.
That’s not to say there weren’t days I wasn’t feeling it either.
Some days it took every ounce of energy to get it done.
Whether I was at home, on vacation or just plain not in the mood, it got done.
I made a commitment to myself and I didn’t want to let myself down, not anymore.

I ended up losing 8 pounds, which is great for me. I’ve never felt better!
But I didn’t just gain the success of losing weight, I gained so much more.
I started feeling more confident in who I was, my capabilities. I started putting myself first.
I started realizing I can do anything I set my mind to.
I can be my best me every single day, I just have to choose ME.
I had a purpose for every day. I started creating even healthier habits when it came to eating.
I created healthy habits that fueled my mind with positive affirmations and thoughts.
I started to have a more positive outlook on life because let me tell you with all these uncertain times, I was starting to get worn down.

I shared my journey along the way with Instagram stories, progress photos and daily check-ins. Soon I started getting tons of questions of what I was doing and how good I seemed to be doing, overall. It was like my attitude and mindset shifted completely in a whole new way, in the most positive way. And let me tell you, it definitely did.

This workout program changed my life.
It changed the way I thought about challenging myself.
It changed the way I looked at myself and what I was truly capable of.
It changed my overall health and wellness.
It propelled me into the next chapter of my life.

All this because I decided to take that next step.
All this because I decided I needed change. I needed something.
All this because I decided to not let fear and uncertainty run my life.

I challenge you today to do something that gets you out of your comfort zone.
Stop staying stuck in a place that has you fearful of what comes next.
You are truly capable of anything you set your mind to.

Start that new workout program. Start that new career. Start writing that book. Start loving yourself, flaws and all. Start challenging yourself. Start stepping out of your comfort zone. Start letting go and just being. Start healing. Start living your life, again.

You are your only limit.

Simplify Your Life.

Life doesn’t always have to be crazy, chaotic and busy.
It can be simple, fulfilling and rewarding.
It can be these things even with the demands of life.

You have full control over your life. You get to decide what each day looks like. You have the choice.
You have the choice to begin again. You have the choice to make this life all that you want it to be.
And guess what? It doesn’t have to be difficult. It doesn’t have to be draining.

You can simplify things in your life and still get the most out of it. Change the mindset that if life isn’t full of plans, chaos and overworked days then you aren’t giving your all to your dreams and goals. Chasing after your dreams and goals doesn’t have to drain you. Will it be work? Yes. Will you have hard days? Yes. Will you have tiring days? Absolutely.

But every single day should not look that way, and if your days do then it’s time to simplify some things.
Below is a list of 10 things you can start right now, this very moment, today to simplify your life while still being a 100% badass in all that you do while chasing those dreams.

1. Say “No” And Own It - be firm in saying no to things that don’t fit into your schedule or work right now. It is okay to say no. When you say yes to everything, you run yourself dry and you do things out of obligation instead of for pleasure. You will burn yourself out trying to please everyone. Start saying “no”, stand firm and start giving your best “yes”. And guess what? You don’t need to explain why you are saying no to this or that. Stop feeling guilty for prioritizing certain events or activities in your life.

2. Time - find ways to be more productive, efficient and intentional with your time and how you are spending your day. Don’t waste time on things that don’t necessarily matter. We can find ourselves wasting our days away, whether that be binge watching a show, making excuses or scrolling through social media. Make each day count for something.

3. Morning Routine - I talk about this one all the time. Your morning routine is vital to how the day ahead will be. If you are rushing around and agitated, guess what? Your day is going to be like that too. Create a morning routine that sets you up for a good day ahead.

4. Evening Routine - this one is just as important as your morning routine. Prepare for the next day by setting your alarm, laying out your clothes, planning your meals and unwinding. Give yourself time to unwind and relax at the end of the day. Take a breath and prepare yourself for a good night’s sleep.

5. Health & Fitness - find and create simplistic ways to incorporate healthy eating and exercise into each day. “I am too busy to workout and plan my meals”…no you aren’t and I don’t want to hear it. 1 hour on a Sunday to sit and prepare your meals is all it takes to create healthier eating habits. 30 minutes a day is all it takes when it comes to your fitness. Whether that’s a quick walk or exercise routine, you have the time. Figure out the time that works best for you and make it happen. You can watch Netflix for 5 hours straight, you can incorporate 30 minutes of movement into your day.

6. Relationships - invest your time and energy into those that count. Stop draining yourself for people who constantly are bringing you down and making you feel exhausted every time you interact with them. Declutter that friends list.

7. Personal Expectations - be realistic about your goals and what it is going to take to get there. Come up with one small plan a day that helps you get one step closer to obtaining that goal. Focus on your priorities and don’t overwhelm yourself with the big picture. Take it one day at a time.

8. Organization - cut the stress by planning and preparing. Stop winging your life. Yes, it’s fun to take last minute trips and take part in new adventures but that’s not what I am talking about here. I am talking about waking up every day to the chaos. Create routine, healthy habits and a love for your life that gets you going every morning.

9. Self-Care Routine - it is so okay to put yourself first, it is necessary. You are not being selfish for taking time to put your needs and wants first. It doesn’t matter what it is, you need to do it for yourself, your happiness and for those around you. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you can’t be your best self for your life and for others.

10. Ditch the Things That Bring You Down - start being intentional about making your life count. Do more of the things that make you happy and ditch the things that make you sad. When you start being intentional about how and who you are spending your time with, you start to realize what happiness looks and feels like. Try it.

These are 10 things that I started doing to simplify my own life and making each day count.
There are countless other things you can do, but this is a good start.
Give it a try, what do you have to lose?

I’m betting this is just the list you needed to see to start today. To start a whole new journey of creating peace, happiness and love in your life. All of it starts with you and how you decide to live out each day. Make the most of it. You only get one life, how do you want to look back on it?

Breathing Life Into A New Me.

“Maybe you’re not healing because you’re trying to be who you were before the trauma. That person does not exist anymore. There is a new you trying to be born. Breathe life into that person.”

I came across this quote the other day and it immediately spoke to me. I related in such a way that I broke down.
Broke down because I knew this was too true.
I knew I was fighting for a me that no longer existed.
I was searching for a me that left long ago.

A new me was breaking through and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for her yet.
I wasn’t sure that’s who I was supposed to be becoming.

I’ve shared my story of past abuse, trauma, heartbreak and failure.
I’ve shared of being abused in a relationship that was suppose to last forever.
I’ve shared of having to start over with bags of clothes in hand at 2:00 am to go live my parents.
I’ve shared of losing who I was for what was suppose to be my forever.
I’ve shared of my many failures -starting new careers, losing friendships, etc.

Those moments were beyond difficult. Those moments were hard, raw and real.
Those moments don’t define me but they have shaped me into who I am today.
I can confidently say that girl doesn’t exist anymore. That girl is long gone.

This realization doesn’t make me sad anymore because I came out stronger on the other side. It took years of tears, hard work and fighting like hell, but it was worth it. It was worth the work because here I am, still standing today.

I have said goodbye to the old me and embraced the “new” me. The me that says you are worth it. You are beautiful. You are successful. You are capable.

For so long I was fighting for the person I was before all the bad shit happened to me but that person is long ago, and I am okay with that. I am breathing life into the new me. The new me that wakes up and kicks ass every day. The new me that is going after her goals and dreams without hesitation. The new me who no longer lives in fear of anyone or anything. The new me that isn’t scared to live out loud. The new me that loves me for me.

I like the new me. She is pretty cool. She knows what she wants and what she deserves. She won’t settle for anything less.
She has a voice and she isn’t afraid to use it. She isn’t afraid to leave behind the people who don’t see her worth. She isn’t afraid to live this life on her own because she has found a new strength inside of her. She embraces who she is and who she is becoming.

Was it easy? No.

Most days I fought battles nobody knew of or cared to know of.
I’ve cried and peeled my own damn self off the floor because the only person I could rely to keep me going was me.

Friends I thought would be there for me, left. They didn’t care to stick around for the hard times.
I still have people that only reach out for the fake “hi” because they want something for their own personal agenda or “business”.
I don’t expect people to care. They never have anyways.
It was easy for them to leave me in the first place.
I wasn’t like everyone else in the group -getting married, buying a house, having babies.
I was the friend who was single and it was easier to ditch me than those who fit more into their “married” lifestyle.

But the new me knows who was there all along, and who left when I became too inconvenient for their lives.

I no longer look for the old me because she is gone and I have accepted that.
I look at who I am today.
I look at who stands in the mirror before me and I smile at her with pride.

She’s beautiful.
Her bruises have healed.
She has scars but they tell an incredible story.

I breathe life into her because she deserves it.
I’ve let a new life be born.

She deserves all the good things and she finally believes that now.
She finally knows who she is and is healing in new ways.
She looks beyond her trauma.
She looks at an imperfectly perfect woman and embraces every single piece of her.

She is me and I love her.

Lily McCleary Photography

Year One.

I cannot believe it has been one year.

One year since I decided to chase after my dreams.
One year since I took a leap of faith.
One year since opening to you and sharing my journey.

My life. My successes. My failures. My happiest of moments. My darkest moments.

It has no doubt been a crazy journey. I didn’t know what it would truly look like to share my life with everyone. Being completely 100 % honest, open, raw and real. It was terrifying. It was scary. It was exciting. Yes, all those things at the same time. I didn’t know what people would say. I didn’t know how people would react. How they would receive me and the message I was trying to convey.

I wanted to be relatable. I wanted to be honest with who I was, where I was and how I got to where I am today.

So often, we look at others and think, “if only I could be like them” or “if only I had their life, their body, their money”. But we don’t see the real behind the photo posted. We don’t see every day life for those we envy and to be honest, it may not be exactly what you think or what you are really wanting. You are seeing only what they want you to see (so freakin’ important to remember). We, as a society, want so badly to fit in. To be like everyone else. To say we have it all together. Truth is none of us have it all together and we are all STILL figuring it out, one day at a time -whether we choose to admit it or not.

My goal is always to be transparent with you about my journey. My goal is to show you the real side of hard work, dedication, struggle and success. You can reach your destination but I am not here to tell you it is going to be easy. I am not here to give you some magical quick-fix pill, wrap, shake or false hope. I am here to be real. To tell you that everything you want you are going to have to put in the real time, work and effort.

There are no shortcuts. I have fought my whole life to get to where I am today. I continue to fight for what I want because that’s what it takes to get to where you want to be. There is no one-way road to success. There are hills, valleys, detours, road blocks and potholes. But guess what? Those obstacles aren’t meant to defeat you, they are meant to build you.

Build you to become stronger. Build you to become who you were meant to be. You will be tested. You will have amazing days. You’ll have down days. And all of that is okay, it is part of the journey. It’s part of who are you becoming and meant to be. Embrace every single moment because every single moment is mean to teach you something, I promise. Be your most authentic self. Stop looking to others for validation. Look inside yourself and see all that you have to offer this world. You are a light, so turn that light on and let it shine bright.

Thank you for allowing me to be part of your journey.
Thank you for taking the time to read what I have to say.
Thank you for supporting me.
Thank you for allowing me to be honest and open.
Thank you for allowing me to be me.

This is only the beginning. I look forward to what this next year will bring for Simply Healthy Fit. I look forward to hearing your testimonies. I look forward to continuing to go on this incredible life journey with you. I am here for you. I am rooting for you. I am support you. Continue to keep fighting for whatever it is you want out of this life. You are capable. You are strong. You can do this.

Most importantly, don’t ever give up. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on your journey. Don’t give up on your biggest dreams and goals. Don’t give up on this life God created for you. He has BIG, BIG plans for you. So with all that being said…

Let’s keep kicking ass together! With all my love -Monica

Learn To Put Yourself First.

Learn to say “no” and put yourself first without apologizing, feeling guilty and beating yourself up about it.

I am GUILTY of this. I say “yes” to everyone and everything. I hate saying no because I feel like I am letting people down and I want to be everywhere for everyone, all the time. I want to be apart of the magical moments, the important moments, the fun moments and all the in-between moments. Before I realize it, I have overcommitted myself and now, realize I cannot be everywhere at once and so now, I am letting people down. I am having to cancel here to make it to there. I am racing from place to place, timing out every stop as to not be late to my next one. By the end of the day, I have exhausted myself and while I made everyone else happy, I have neglected to make myself happy. The dishes and laundry aren’t done, grocery shopping is, yet again, pushed back and I barely have the energy to shower to get ready for the next work week. We have all been there, so how do we say “no” and not apologize for it?

It’s simple, so here it goes…JUST SAY NO. Seriously, just say no. You cannot be everywhere at once, you cannot do everything at once, you most certainly cannot please everyone, so stop trying to do it. Stop allowing others to make you feel guilty for simply saying, “no” -trust me, they have no problem telling you no, if something more important comes their way (even if that means them staying at home). We have to learn to start giving our best “yes” and our absolute, no guilt “no”.

You should not have to explain yourself when you say “no”. If it requires an explanation, then understand the person demanding one is selfish and doesn’t deserve one. No means no, you do not owe an explanation to anybody. Your time is just as valuable as to whatever they are asking you to take time to go do, and if you simply don’t have the time, you DO NOT have the time. If you planned on staying in, cuddling with your dog, binge watching your favorite serial killer tv show (no? just me?) and relaxing, then stick to those plans. Those plans of self-care are just as important to your health -attending every social event will drain you, learn to slow down.

You should not have to apologize when saying “no”. You owe nobody an apology for putting yourself first. You owe nobody an apology for having prior plans and not being able to make their plans fit into yours. People are very quick to “want” but when “want" is needed in return, they are nowhere to be found. So, do not apologize for saying “no”. If the person is getting upset because you simply cannot make whatever it is they want to work, then re-evaluate that situation and relationship. Nobody who truly cares and understands you, would get upset and need an apology to feel better about themselves and make you feel less than for having your own life.

You should not feel guilty for saying “no”. Stop with the guilt-trips, second-guessing your decisions and upsetting yourself for putting you first. There comes a time when you have to stop trying to please everyone else and put yourself first. What makes you happy? What creates a positive mental head space for you? Is it staying at home? Is it reading a good book? Is it going for a brisk run? Is it trying something new? Joining a new club in the neighborhood? Whatever it is, do it! Do it for you and nobody else. Start putting you and your health first. You can’t give your best “yes”, if you aren’t healthy enough to say it with sincerity in your heart. So, start learning to say “no” with no apology, guilt or explanation.