“You are a routine, schedule kind of person. You have your to-do lists, you have your routines and you have backup plans. You have a sense of control that brings you peace, brings you comfort. Right now, all that has been taken from you and you feel out of control. You don’t like feeling out of control, especially with your own life. You feel it’s the one thing you have left that gives you a purpose. You have been let down so many times, that your need to be in control with the simplest things, such as your daily activities, brings you a sense of clarity in this unpredictable world. With this interruption you have found yourself slipping into old habits, old feelings. You find yourself anxious, depressed and overly emotional. You find yourself being unreasonable and that scares you. But that’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to feel out of control in these unprecedented times. It’s okay that you don’t have a backup plan. It’s okay to feel what you are feeling, but you can’t stay there. You can’t stay in an unhealthy mindset, that you fought and clawed your way out of, so many years ago. It took you so long to recognize the hurts, disappointments, interrupted plans and rejections turned you into someone you didn’t want to be -dare I say hated. You overcame once, you can do it again. You’re a survivor.”
These are words that I needed to hear. These are words that hold so much truth and sit with my soul in a whole new way. During these crazy times, I have been feeling lost. I have been feeling myself slip back into old habits, old feelings. I have felt my depression and anxiety increase -not sleeping, random outbursts of anger and tears, sadness, confusion. The list could go on and on but you get the point.
My schedule is off, my routine is interrupted and my life feels chaotic despite being quarantined to my tiny apartment with not much to do. I feel out control with no purpose. Yet again, I feel worthless and unloved, trapped in a cage. But how much truth does that hold when I sit down and actually go through these irrational thoughts? Not a lot. My truth vs. reality is very different and I am recognizing that. But how can I live it out daily? How can I continue to grow in isolation?
I have come up with a daily checklist of things I can control. I often revert to this list when I am feeling these emotions arise and maybe you can too, if you are feeling lost during these unpredictable times.
My sleep routine -drinking nighttime tea, getting into bed at the same time every night (if possible), breathing exercises and instead of TV/Electronics, opening up a good book.
How I speak to myself -positive affirmations and reality vs. what my misguided thoughts say.
What I eat -scheduling my meal times, trying out new recipes, planning out meals/snacks for the day.
The way I treat others -not lashing out, being open and honest in a healthy way, talking through issues and again, separating reality vs. my misguided thoughts.
My outlook -positive vision, seeing the good in every day. I have a roof over my head, clean water and food to eat, to name a few.
Most importantly, how soon I try again after I stumble -working through hard emotions, days and issues. Living my truth and being honest about where I am that day and how I can be better.
If you are feeling lost, hopeless and unsure of your right now, please know you are not alone. I am right there with you, just as I am sure many people are. We will get through this and we will get back to our normal one day. But it is so important, you find purpose in your right now, in your isolation. You can overcome this, you will survive, you can do this. I am rooting for you from my tiny apartment in self-isolation.
