Stop Rushing Your Journey.

I get questions all the time about my health and wellness journey. Questions that make it seem like it all happened over night for me. If by some miraculous miracle I woke up one day, down 40 pounds, happy, healthy and winning at life. Despite coming far in my journey, I still don’t have it all figured out. There are days I struggle. There are days I have MAJOR setbacks. And there are definitely days I want to give up, to throw in my white flag. But I don’t let those days define me. I don’t beat myself up for struggling. I embrace my struggles because without my struggles I wouldn’t be who I am today. You are probably gagging a little bit right now -yeah okay, such a cliché thing to say, Monica. But it’s the truth. The day I accepted my struggles and embraced my strengths, is the day it all started for me.

The day I started, I sat down for hours, writing out all of my goals, thoughts and plans. I bought a journal and sat down with myself. I was honest, real and vulnerable because that is where it all starts. It starts with you. It was hard -I cried, I laughed, I was angry. I felt so many different emotions and that’s good, that’s okay. You won’t see change within yourself unless you are raw and real with where you are at. You will constantly find yourself starting back at square one. I wrote down where I was currently at, how it made me feel, what I wanted to accomplish, where I was mentally, how I hoped getting my health back would make me feel and plans for my future -short and long term. It was overwhelming but it was necessary. Necessary to start.

The plans I created for myself didn’t always work. I would have setbacks, I would give up for a day or two or sometimes even weeks. But I, also, had great days. I had days that I saw progress, I felt great and had the motivation. It’s a constant battle but that’s life. Life is about winning and it’s also about losing. You will find both success and failure in your journey but how you handle each one is what makes you. I am not here to sugar coat anything. This journey of health and wellness is hard, it is so fucking hard. But when you start to put yourself first, in all aspects, is when you will start to see your life change. Life will change in ways you never thought possible. So, I encourage you to start. Start right now. Fail but keep going. Succeed and continue to create new goals. Embrace you and love yourself fully throughout it all.

It has taken me 4 years to get to where I am at -mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. When I say it takes time, it takes time and I am still not where I want to be but I am not rushing myself. I still am working on myself every single day. I eat healthy most days, workout 3 days a week, run 5 days a week, see a therapist, journal, pamper myself, cut negative people/things out and I talk to God as often as I can. Every day brings something new -new challenges are faced, goals are crushed and life continues to go on.

A few simple things I would like to share with you on your journey that has helped me:
ONE: Stop with the fad diets. Make healthier choices. And when you don’t, don’t beat yourself up. Do better next time.
TWO: Start small with the workouts. Start out with a few days a week, simple and efficient workouts. Build yourself up. Working out 10 hours a day doesn’t get you to your goals any faster, I promise.
THREE: Start understanding your worth. Cut out the negative people in your life. They hold you back more than you know.
FOUR: Make time for the things you like. You don’t have to constantly be going, trying to make deadlines, making work your life. Slow down and give yourself the down time you deserve.
FIVE: Stop looking to others for validation. Stop looking at others “wishing” for whatever it is they have or look like. Comparison will kill you.

It’s not about being skinny, starving myself and working out like a maniac. It is about finding my balance and living out my truth. I am perfectly, imperfect. I make mistakes and I have let myself down more times than I can count. But every day I choose to rise. I hope you find your why. I hope you have the courage to rise every day and not let the ways of the world shape you. You are perfect in your own special way and until you realize just how special you are, this journey is going to be a tough one. Do this for you and only you. Most importantly, stop rushing the process and enjoy the fucking ride.

Lily McCleary Photography

Call Me A Survivor, Not A Victim.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

For so long I lived in a place of fear, brokenness and hopelessness. I lost who I was -I lost my voice, my dreams, ambitions, confidence, self-worth and faith. I lost everything. I lived in a dark place with a dark person, who was out to destroy whoever he could, for as long as he could. I blamed myself. I was the problem. I was crazy, overwhelming, a burden, not enough but too much at the same time. It was always my fault and I believed it. I believed every lie and I carried it around with me every where I went. I was made to believe that I was broken and damaged, that nobody would ever want me. So I stayed. I stayed in a place that was terrifying, but felt safe at the same time. Terrifying of what each day would bring. Safe because I, truly, believed one day it would go back to the way it was before all the bad shit happened to me. Life has a funny way of working out - you go through the bad, the dark, the hole you cannot crawl out of and then the success, happiness and that slimmer of hope that emerges after the hurricane, that you never thought would. You start to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so you wake up one day and decide to run after it and never look back because that light has to have more to offer than the nightmare you are living out, right?

I never saw myself in an abusive relationship. I always told myself that would never be me. That if someone was ever, in any way, abusive I was out of there. Nobody was ever going to treat me less than. I knew my worth, I had the confidence and I had the drive to go conquer any goals I set my mind on. I was wrong. I fell in love and I let every single part of me go. I believed every lie. It didn’t start with the physical, no. I wasn't getting punched in the face. It started out with verbal abuse. Verbal attacks, verbal beatdowns, verbal strikes. I slowly went into a downward spiral. I wanted to fix all my wrong, I wanted to be perfect for this person, I wanted them to see I could be different. I cut people out, I hid away, I transformed into a robot. I started transforming into everything I said I never would. Of course, I didn’t realize it at the time. I thought I was growing and learning to be a better person and partner. But really, I was trying to please someone who could never be pleased, and probably never will be.

Slowly, verbal turned into physical. Thrown into a wall, body parts slammed between doorways, being pushed down. By the time this started occurring, my mental state was already re-wired. I believed I deserved these things. From the verbal attacks to physical attacks, it all became who I was. I deserved it because if only I had said the right thing, I wouldn’t need to be taught a “lesson”. There came a point where I stopped being scared because this was my reality. I believe eventually I would get it right and it would all stop. I would work hard every single day to be a better person for this person because this wouldn’t be happening if I wasn’t such an “overly emotional, crazy” person. Keep my irrational feelings in check and be less.

I don’t know where, when or how it happened. But one day, I decided enough was enough. I saw the light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel and I decided to run after it and never look back. I decided to get help. I decided to help myself. I decided I needed to take my life back. I decided I was going to be a survivor, not a victim.

There were days I cried myself to sleep, I was still so lost. I let the trauma I experienced take over. The lonely nights were all too much for me, at times. The thought of seeing him around town had me hiding in fear. Every single guy resembled him. The thought of dating made me physically sick. The slightest touch from anybody made me cringe. The panic attacks. The depression. The tears. The anger. The fear. The pain -it was all too real for the longest time. How was I ever going to be me again? Who would ever want me? Someone so damaged and broken. It took God and therapy to get me where I am today -and I am still working on me. I am still working on the anxiety, depression, anger and resentment. I am still finding ways to allow people in, because I want to protect myself from any bad thing someone could do to me. I am still learning to let go and just live.

For me, I will never be able to quite put into words how someone else manipulated me into thinking I deserved that kind of treatment. For the longest time I blamed myself. If I was dumb enough to stick around then I deserved to be treated the way I did. It took me months to get my smile back. To not fake happiness. I am thankful for those who know my story and didn’t run but stayed, listened, learned and gave me more love than I deserved. I am simply thankful. I am still figuring out life. I have good days and I have really shitty days. I have days where I see my growth and I have days where I back track. But each day, I remind myself that I am worthy, I am healing and to always show myself grace and love, even when I feel I do not deserve it.

This month is a strong reminder of where I was, what I have overcome and how blessed I am to be able to share my story, because that is not always the case for some. This is not a story to make you feel sorry for me. This is story to help encourage and inspire others who might be going through the same thing or maybe already did, to keep going. Keep going, don’t give up on yourself and know that better days are ahead. It doesn’t happen over night but you have to give yourself time to heal. To understand that what you went through doesn’t define you. You are worthy of a beautiful life and love so strong. I am still working out my inner demons but I have come so far, and I am damn proud of that. This is my life and I am taking it back because…

I am a survivor, not a victim.

Lily McCleary Photography

Stand Strong In Who You Are.

Spirituality. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. But I am not here to shove my beliefs down your throat and pound them into your head until you believe exactly what I believe. That’s not my style. I believe in respecting others for what they believe in and stand for, and you should too. Stand strong in who you are, what you believe, what you stand for and do not waiver in any of that. The moment you waiver, the moment you let someone intimidate you is the moment you start losing yourself. Don’t lose who you spent so long to build. But more than that, create healthy habits to support what you believe and what fuels your mind. I am going to share what I do spiritually, every day (even on the days I do not want to) that keeps me balanced and helps me stand strong in who I am.

Again, this is NOT me telling you what you should believe. This is to encourage you to pursue whatever it is you believe, with your whole heart. You cannot neglect your beliefs and expect to be able to stand strong in who you are. Understand this, there will be times when you are questioned and looked down on but when you have built a strong foundation, nobody can shake you.

Every morning I wake up, with enough time, to sit down and read the Bible, a daily devotional and journal about what I am feeling -how the devotional made me feel, what I feel for the day ahead, any questions I may have with God, etc. It is so important to take that time for yourself each morning before you start your day. Set the tone for the day by setting the tone with yourself spiritually. Connect with whatever it is you believe in. Making connections and checking in daily is so important for yourself. It creates a healthy habit and creates a healthy mindset. Do not neglect this part of the process. Do whatever it is that connects you -journal, meditate, read, etc. Figure out what best suits you and what best connects you but start now, do not put it off.

After you have established a connection with yourself and building a foundation for who you are, you need to make connections with those around you. It is important to build connections with others. I built my connections by finding a church to attend and plugging myself in. I joined a small group, volunteered and shared my experiences with others. The beautiful thing about making connections is that even though we believe in God, that doesn’t mean we have the same opinions or outlooks on life. You will still find people in your community with the same beliefs that will challenge you and that’s okay, don’t let it deter you. I learned how to have healthy conversations with others.

This world is full of different beliefs, religions, people and lifestyles but one thing we have to connect with is ourselves and those around us. Learn how to be able to strengthen ourselves in those beliefs, learn how to have healthy conversations who have the same or different beliefs and learn how to create healthy habits to continue to grow in who we are. Don’t be shaken by those who challenge you. Growing spiritually will be able to help you accept yourself and accept others, in a healthy way. You will be able to respect yourself in new ways. You will be able to respect others even if they do not align with you spiritually. It’s about growing, learning and showing grace, love and mercy in who we are and who others are.

So, start now. Start small and keep growing. Don’t stunt your growth because your beliefs do not align with someone else’s. And do NOT stunt your growth because you fear what the world will say. The world typically goes after those who are weak because they know they can change them easily. The world typically does not go after those strong, firm founded people. So be a strong, firm founded person because you are and never let it go.

Create Healthy Relationships. Leave The Toxic Shit Behind.

The relationships we create with others says a lot about who we are as people. It says a lot about our expectations, our values, beliefs and where we are headed. I know what you are thinking (maybe), “this seems a bit dramatic”. But give me a moment/chance to explain. The relationships you create determine where you are headed and what you are accomplishing. If you’re goal is to create a healthier lifestyle for yourself then please read this blog carefully. This is another important step to evaluate. So, please bear with me and keep reading.

For this blog, we are talking about intimate relationships. Relationships where you are sharing your life with a special someone -boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc. Those people that we decide to let into our lives (the most secret, vulnerable, special places in our lives), we need to make sure we are choosing people who respect those parts of us. People that are loving us, respecting us and growing with us because if you don’t have that, sorry to say, you have nothing with that person. You need to make sure you are choosing people that see you for you, see you for the beauty you are and the beauty you are trying to become. People that are real, authentic and add value to your life. This person should never be your “reason” or be there to “complete” you. You are not a half, you are already whole (if you don’t feel this, I suggest reading my last blog or talking with someone further about this -possibly a therapist?). This person will add value to your life and choose to grow with you. I am not saying they need to be growing exactly as you are trying to, so respect their journey and where they need to grow.

I want to touch base on a few things when it comes to choosing a partner that adds to your life, that cherishes the shit out of you and chooses to accept you. They may not fully understand you, don’t expect them to. Be patient and help them to understand to some capacity. We will not always understand each other but we can help each other and still have a fruitful, healthy relationship. So, moving on.

-       Find someone who understands you are trying to grow in new, healthy ways. If the person you choose, puts you down, questions you or halts your growth -let them go. They have no room in your life. You are trying to create a healthy life and environment for yourself, if someone doesn’t value or understand that, they are not the one. Don’t be with someone who tries to keep you where you are. Find someone who encourages you, lifts you up and never questions you trying to better yourself. Toxic people will create toxic behavior, don’t let them have that kind of power over you. Kick them to the curb immediately.

-       Find someone who wants to grow right along with you. They don’t have to have the same goals, ambitions or dreams (because we all are striving after something different and don’t get these things confused with values and beliefs) but the fact they want better, is a good sign of a healthy person. A person who wants to grow in their own journey and wants to help you as well, is worth keeping around. Understand that everyone is growing constantly, we are constantly evolving -so choose the person who doesn’t want to stay in the same place because someone who chooses not to grow themselves will keep you from growing.

-       Find someone who is trying to heal their pain from past traumas and hurts. People who continue to hold on to past hurts will hurt you. They let their past dictate how they behave and how they treat others. I hate to say but those people are not the ones you want. Don’t get me wrong we all have past hurts and traumas. But there is a huge difference in working through those hurts and letting it be an excuse to treat people like shit. Choose the people who are willing to work through these moments in healthy ways. This could be through therapy, through support groups, whatever it is, make sure they are truly wanting to heal themselves. I have been in a relationship where someone let their past dictate being a shitty, abusive person -do NOT let anybody make this a reason they treat you like shit and justify it with “the past” or a 100th “sorry”. Either they want to heal and grow, or they want to stay where they are -if they choose the latter you need to walk away. You are not obligated to heal anybody that doesn’t want to heal themselves.

-       Find someone who wants the same things out of life that you do -meaning marriage, kids, religion, etc. If you want kids but they don’t, don’t waste your time trying to convince them that they do. If values, beliefs and morals do not align, do not stay. I promise these things come into play, and eventually someone is going to start holding that bitter pill of resentment. Make sure you are aligned with your person. Make sure you are not trying to convince them of anything. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, waste your time with someone who doesn’t want the same future as you.

Okay, I feel like that is enough for now. I could go on and on with this topic -I have been through a shitty relationship or two. I have been that person who compromises and puts others before myself. I have seen myself lose who I created and wanted to be, in order to make the other person “happy”. I have been the person who was pushed around physically and mentally because my feelings pissed them off. I have been the person who was called “stupid”, “unreasonable”, “crazy” and “disgusting” because I chose to have emotions. I have been told I am “too independent”, “too much” and “too much of a strong person” -that is someone who is weak and knows they can’t control you, so they try to make you feel guilty for being you. One day, I woke up and decided I wanted different, I wanted more for myself. And I left, I left those situations and I have never looked back. I have grown and I have learned more than I can type. But my goal isn’t to scare you, I am here to help you -wherever you are. Whether you need to leave that shitty relationship and you needed a sign, this is your sign. Whether you need to take the leap and let an amazing partner in and share your life with, this is your sign to be optimistic and take a risk. Or maybe you just needed a better understanding of what it is you need to look for, this is your sign to never settle.

Choose healthy, fruitful, positive relationships. Leave those behind who choose to bring you down. You are worthy of the right kind of love. And if you have the right kind of love in your life, keep fighting, keep growing and don’t ever let go. Cherish your partner, love your partner and grow with your partner. You both deserve the goodness each other has to give to one another. You should never have to question other’s intentions. You should never have to wonder if you are enough. True, healthy relationships take work but you will never have to question the love and commitment they have for you. Wherever you are, keep going and don’t lose hope.

Lily McCleary Photography

Simple Steps. DON’T MAKE IT DIFFICULT.

Simple Steps. Starting doesn’t have to be hard and continuing doesn’t have to be difficult. Wake up each day with a simple plan and simple actions. The more you complicate this journey, the more difficult it will be for you to find success, to reach those goals. So, don’t complicate it, don’t overthink and just be present in the moment. But don’t be stagnant, be present, proactive and mindful. You cannot sit in the same place and expect changes to happen. Let’s talk about the simple steps and actions you can take to create a healthier lifestyle for yourself.

First, make a vision board. For me, vision boards are a way for you to visually see and be reminded of your goals, dreams and aspirations. Goals for a better life, a healthier life and a prosperous life. This vision board doesn’t have to be extravagant; it can be quite simple. Again, don’t complicate this journey. Things you may need -cork board, magazines, paper, fun pens or markers, scissors and possibly tape or thumb tacks (however you are going to stick those goals and dreams on that board). Side note -magazines are for you to find motivational words or quotes -they are not for you to pick a model and lust after his/her body. STOP NOW. We are not putting photoshopped images on our vision board, only to be discouraged more than encouraged. Anyways, back to the project. Get started now. I, personally, created categories on my vision board -physical, mental, spiritual, travel and miscellaneous (this one included working on relationships with others, among other things). 5 simple categories with 3 goals underneath each one. I won’t provide the goals I put under each category because I want you to find your own. Take your time (as long as you need, do not rush this step) and really figure out what you are after and where you are headed. Base your goals off that. Don’t put this part off, and once you complete this step hang your vision board where you can see it every morning, afternoon and evening. It’s good to be reminded of the good, and to be reminded of where we are headed.

Second, start with one goal at a time. You do not need to overwhelm with yourself in trying to accomplish every goal at the same time. Again (because I do and will say this a lot), do NOT set unrealistic goals. That is setting yourself up for failure and why would you want to do that to yourself. I am not saying you won’t experience failure in your journey but don’t set yourself up for it. Take a moment, look at the vision board you just created and figure out where you want to start. You can start in any area of your vision board, but you have to start. You may start, fail, start and fail again. You may start, succeed and move on to the next one. But whatever you do, wherever you find yourself do not give up. Some goals will be easier than others and some goals, you will be digging, clawing, scratching your way to the finish line. Don’t let the fight scare you, because in the end it will all be worth it.

Third, find yourself along the way. Do not forget to understand who you are and your purpose in this life. We can get so distracted by our goals that we can forget to love ourselves and forgive ourselves. Do not let goals become who you are, they are here to guide you into a healthier relationship with yourself and with what you are trying to accomplish. Do not get to so wrapped up in the idea that your goals are the only things that matter. Goals and dreams cannot be reached unless you are taking care of yourself along the way. That means understanding you are unique, you are beautiful, you are worthy, and you are capable of a prosperous, undeniably good life. If you do not know who you are, how can you set goals for yourself that best fit who you are and where you are headed? You cannot. You must have a good understanding of who you were, who you are now, who you are becoming and building a healthy relationship with each self. YOU. You are so important and until you understand that, nothing else matters. So maybe this should be the first step in our journey to a healthier you? I don’t know, I don’t have all the answers and I don’t claim to have them. But this is a very vital step in your journey. Wherever you put this step, first or last, know you have to do it. You have to find a way to forgive your past self, love yourself now and embrace who you are becoming. Take the time to sit with yourself -journal, mediate, whatever it takes. Learn who you are, learn what has strengthened you, learn from mistakes and embrace the beautiful mess you are.

P.S. “mess” is not meant in a negative connotation here. Mess, to me, simply means we all go through things and while life can be chaotic it can still be beautiful in the mess, in the chaos that is inevitable in life.

Lily McCleary Photography

Stop Calling It A Diet.

Eating healthy is a lifestyle, it is not a diet. I am not here to give you some quick fix food recipes and you are going to magically lose 50 pounds. I am here to tell you, you don’t have to starve yourself to be healthy. You do not have to eat only fruits and veggies. You do not have to eat “bland” food for the rest of your life and be miserable. That is not what eating healthy and making wiser choices is about. It is about creating healthier habits and let’s be honest, in order to change your health, you do have to change the way you eat. Fast food every day for lunch is not helping you, it is a roadblock in your life, and you are killing yourself faster than you think. I am not saying never eat fast food again, let’s be realistic. When I am in a rush or haven’t been to the grocery store in a while, I do sometimes make poor choices. But overall, I have created healthier habits and stick to my new lifestyle 85% of the time. And I am damn proud of that 85% because it is way better than I was doing and I feel a difference in my body.

Let’s start with this, eating healthy does not have to be boring or hard. You need to shift your mindset. You are setting yourself up for failure if you go to those negative thoughts, first thing. Eating healthy can be very delicious, satisfying and rewarding. I am going to give you some helpful tips to encourage you to shift your mindset and start making some real changes in the way you fuel your body.

-       It is going to take time to get use to your new lifestyle change. Do not think you have to do everything at once. Set a goal of only eating out 3 times a week (instead of every day for lunch) and each week lower that number. I am not here to tell you it is going to be easy, but you must set goals, and be realistic about those goals. Take your time, don’t feel rushed by everyone else. Remember, those moments of failure or defeat do not define you. Make the decision to keep going and try again.

-       Once, you get to a place where you have made a change in your food choices, it is time for the next step. Start planning out your meals for the week. I am not saying meal prep and eat the same thing for 7 days straight. It is good to have variety so give it to yourself. I find people failing at eating because they think they have to eat the same thing all the time, you do not have to do that. For example, I like switching up my breakfast. Some mornings I will have oatmeal and fruit, and other days I will have cereal and yogurt -whatever I am feeling like that morning (and how late I am running, let’s be honest). But every meal, I have options and those options are healthy, simple and often perfect for whatever mood I am in.

-       Next, when planning your meals start simple. You do not need some 5-star, 30 step recipes in order to eat healthy and it be delicious. There are so many things you can cook, in 5 to 6 steps, that take 15 minutes max. Take the time to research simple recipes, that do not overwhelm you. When you feel overwhelmed that is when your mind starts to shut down. Do not do that to yourself. But do understand, you have to take the time to research (and keep following my journey because you might find some of those simple recipes on this blog).

Lastly, stop telling yourself this step is impossible or you just weren’t meant to eat “grass” (when people go on a diet and think they have to eat salads for every meal *currently eye rolling*) the rest of your life. Nobody is telling you that or at least I am not; you don’t have to eat like a rabbit in order to lead a healthy, productive lifestyle. You can eat delicious, healthy, simple foods that are satisfying and drastically change your health. Understand this, you have to stop being lazy. You have to take the 15 minutes (max) to prep and cook a meal. You have the 15 minutes because you had the 15 minutes to scroll through Facebook and judge everyone else and yourself (you know it’s true). You are important, so start telling yourself that and start showing yourself that.

LISTEN UP: this is not going to be easy and I am not saying that. It took me 3 years to finally break old habits of eating McDonald’s for lunch every day and supersizing it. But once I started setting realistic goals and stopped giving myself excuses, I saw the changes. I saw the progress that I was making, and it made me want to keep going, and never look back. That is not to say I don’t ever eat unhealthy, that is not realistic. I do still have moments of weakness but that is okay. I am not going to beat myself up over it. I accept that moment and I keep going and you can too. So, start now and start for yourself, and nobody else. This is about your health and what works best for you. Keep putting yourself first and the changes will come, in due time.

Perfectly Imperfect.

Self-Care. Self-Love. Self-Worth.

This can be a difficult subject, but it is so important you find these things on your journey. It is vital that you know your worth, that you love yourself (unconditionally) and you take care of yourself. I want to take a moment to talk about all these things and the importance they hold in your journey to a healthier lifestyle. It is time to get honest and be open about what is holding you back and why you cannot seem to grasp that you are enough, in every aspect of your life.

Self-Love. You need to love yourself and accept yourself, fully. Stop picking yourself apart. Stop deciding that you only need to love certain parts of yourself. That is not how self-love works. Self-love is loving the imperfections. Self-love is about accepting that you are not perfect but loving yourself anyways. I am not saying that it does not require you to grow and flourish in new ways. You have to learn how to love yourself despite the ups and downs in life. You have to learn how to accept the imperfections and find strength in those imperfections. You have to learn how to show yourself the love you so rightfully you deserve, it doesn’t come from someone else. Start with accepting that you are not perfect, nobody is. We all have things we do not like about ourselves, but you need to learn that those imperfections are what make you, you. You are perfectly imperfect. Stop with the negative self-thoughts, stop with immediately looking at all the “wrong” things and start pointing out all the good. Practice looking in the mirror first thing in the morning and telling yourself all the things you love about yourself. All the things you are thankful for. All the GOOD things that make you, you. There is no other you and that is a beautiful thing.

Self-Worth. You need to learn that you are more than worthy of love, blessings and a prosperous life. It doesn’t matter what mistakes you have made -that is in the past and we aren’t looking that way. You are so worthy of anything and everything. You have to believe you deserve the world and give it to yourself. Stop relying on others to tell you what you deserve, what you are worth and what you can do. The opinions of others mean nothing when they are trying to hold you back. Often, we base what others think of us on what we give ourselves and that should never be the case. Understand that no matter where you are at in life, you are worthy. You are worthy in every moment, in every trial, in every success…YOU ARE WORTHY. Until you start to understand that you are enough in every moment, you will never fully blossom into who God created you to be. So, blossom, flourish, grow, do what you have to do to understand your worth and live it out daily. Walk into a room and let everyone know you are not determined by the world’s standards; you are determined by the worth that radiates off you. The love you have for yourself cannot be shaken by those who do not understand you. Do you, always.

Self-Care. This is the part where you live out that love and worth by learning to take care of yourself, by pampering yourself. Stop thinking you don’t deserve all the good things this world has to offer, and that includes the care you so desperately need to be able to give yourself. Self-care can include:

-       Giving yourself 15-20 minutes (increase time gradually) a day to do something you really enjoy. Start a new book, journal, meditate, draw, listen to your favorite record, etc. It doesn’t have to be anything big, just something small you enjoy but never allow yourself time to do.

-       Schedule yourself a massage. I know, it can be expensive and don’t always have money or time for that. I promise you have the money and time for that (unless, times are hard, and I completely understand that). But if you are spending money going out, drinking, eating, buying unnecessary materialistic things, maybe it is time to reevaluate where you are spending your hard-earned money. Stop spending money on those temporary fixes and spend money on healing your body. Massages are a great way for you to release toxins in your body and a time for you to relax -release all that tension you hold daily.

-       Facemasks or homemade face mask, either way give your face some much deserved loved. Fill the bathtub with warm water, maybe add a bath bomb, apply facemask and relax. Enjoy some you time. Honestly, it really is the simple things that can make you the happiest. Stop thinking the free time that you have always has to be spent with others. Enjoy taking care of yourself, everyone else can wait.

At the end of the day, you have to understand that you must take the time for yourself. Do things that fuels your soul. Do things that make you happy. Do things that help you relax. If you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, give yourself time to breathe. Easier said than done, I know. I get it. But you need to plan to start, start somewhere. Start creating healthy habits. The more you put the healthy things off, the farther you get from understanding your worth. Start with once a week self-care practice. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Set aside an hour every week to take care of yourself. Doesn’t seem like a long time but you have to start small. Remember, too much too fast and you are setting yourself up for failure (at least in my opinion). Instead of masking your worth in the world’s standards, start blooming and blossoming in your own love. You can do this. You got this. Start now.

The 7 Letter Word We Hate, But Must Do.

Workout. We hear it and immediately cringe. The thought of having to get up and do physical activity that makes us sore, out of breath and difficult is not something that sounds appealing. It does not make most want to get up and shout for joy because we get to do it. Want to hear something awesome? No, it isn’t that you don’t have to do it because you do. Physical activity is so important to your overall health. Working out should not be about being “skinny” or finally looking like that supermodel or bodybuilder. Working out is something you do to keep you active, healthy and to be able to live a long, prosperous life. I know what you are thinking, “but I hate running, going to the gym and attending overcrowded workout classes”. You don’t have to do any of that to be physically active and making a change in your health. There are so many ways to take care of yourself and still getting that “workout” in, daily. But let’s start from the basics.

First, start small and build your workouts up. You do not have to start with 1,000 sit-ups added with 2,000 push-ups and then go run 10 miles on your first day. It is unrealistic and, sorry to say you will more than likely fail. Start simple, small and realistically with where you are at physically. Here are a few things you can do to get started:

-       Within the first hour of waking up, go for a 10-minute walk around the block, track, treadmill, in-place or wherever you feel comfortable. It gets your body going and blood flowing. This will wake you up and send positive, happy endorphins throughout the body.

-       If walking is not really your thing, turn on some music and give yourself a nice little dance session to rock out to. Sounds silly but also, so much fun (you know it does). Create a playlist that lasts for 10-15 minutes of your favorite jams and get to moving.

-       Create a small workout with 3 movements that gets your entire body moving and engaged. For example, I wake up and start with crunches, push-ups and squats. I start with 50 crunches, 50 push-ups (different variety of push-ups because let’s be honest, I hate push-ups, so switching it up helps me get through it and feel great about it) and end with 50 squats. You do not have to start with that number you can start with 10, 20, 25, whatever works for you. And do not feel like you need to power through. I break up the number I set up for myself. For example, if your number is 20, do 10 crunches, take a small break and finish the rep out.

-       If dancing, walking, simple movements isn’t your thing, well let’s stop being difficult. Kidding, kind of. You must start somewhere even when you do not want to. It takes starting and creating healthy habits to see a difference and feel a difference. Find what fuels your soul when it comes to your physical activity and DO IT. Guess what? There is something you like doing. There is something that is fun for you. If you aren’t sure what that is yet, then get up and be proactive and finding out what that is. Stop being lazy and finding every excuse in the book not to start.

-       You can always go search for a dance class to take, go rent a city bike and ride around downtown, take your dog on a walk, look for new hiking trails, etc. There is something for you, I promise. Be fearless in your search.

Remember, you have must start somewhere. It doesn’t matter where you start just start. Do not overdo it, start small and build. It is all about building, growing and learning. Build your physical activity schedule, grow in that schedule and learn what works for you and what doesn’t work for you. If you find something that doesn’t work, that is okay but be honest about that. Do not feel like a failure because you tried something and hated it. That’s okay, be honest and keep searching for what you do like.

What does my schedule look like when it comes to get my body going and blood flowing?

-       I take my dog on a 10-minute walk in the morning, within the first hour of waking up, and 10-minute walk in the evening before I start getting ready to end my day.

-       3 days a week I take a strength training class. I love lifting weights and feeling my body transform.

-       2 days I will take a cardio class/activity -whether that is a dance class, going for a run, riding a bike around the city or going for a swim.

And let me be clear, I do not workout or do physical activity to be “skinny”. I do this to be healthy. I do this to keep my body going, blood flowing and endorphins pumping. Was that always my mindset? No, it wasn’t. I used to workout to be skinny and have the perfect body but found myself failing quite often. I would workout like crazy and then, overindulge in food and feel helpless. Once I shifted my mindset and attitude, I found success. I am doing this for me and only me. This isn’t too look like anyone else. If I feel good and feel confident in my own body, then that is all I need. Do not do this for anybody else, do this for YOU.

Stop comparing, stop searching for someone to idolize and find your worth. Yes, I lost 40 pounds in the process of working out and taking better care of myself. But that important thing to remember is that is stopped being about skinny and it became all about being healthy. It became about being able to run around with my nieces and nephews without feeling like I was dying. It became about setting a good example for all the children I get to teach daily through education and dance. Be the example you want your kids to look up -do you want them to think they have to be skinny to be beautiful? Or do you want them to be comfortable with exactly who God created them to be?

GET GOING, GET MOVING AND BE AWESOME, ALWAYS.

ALL THINGS MOTIVATION.

Motivational Shit (sorry for the language -again if you get offended easily this may not be the blog for you).

Motivation is where it all starts, or at least for me it did. I woke up with the motivation one day to make a change. I woke up one day with the motivation to try. I woke up one day with enough motivation to say, “NO MORE”. That doesn’t mean that is all it took for me to change my life and now, here I am healthier and happier than ever. No mistakes. No hiccups. No taking 5 steps forward to only take 20 back. No binge eating, crying or feeling worthless. Oh, all those things happened and occasionally still do but isn’t that the great thing about the journey? I can look back and say, “Despite it all, I still had the motivation to keep going and I am still going”. Those down moments don’t define you, they help shape you. Then, you will have all up moments to only be met again by the down. You are probably sitting here asking yourself, “isn’t she supposed to be motivating me?”. Let’s not forget, I am here to be completely 100 % honest with you. I am not here to feed you some bullshit and tell you it’s going to be all daisies and sunshine once you find your motivation and life will be forever changed. Don’t get me wrong, once you do find your motivation your life will change -some moments will be hard, and most moments will be the most amazing moments of your life.

I started this lifestyle change because I was unhappy. I was unhappy with the way I looked, the way I felt and the way I was treating myself. I wanted a change and I knew that change could only come from the moment I decided it was time to make a change. My motivation came from wanting more, wanting more for myself. I was holding myself back by allowing myself to fall into a black hole of nothingness. So, where did I find my motivation to get going and keep going after all my failed attempts?

I pulled motivation from everywhere. I found motivational quotes that I could put on my phone background, that would serve as reminder of where I was headed and where I wanted to be. I posted motivational quotes all over my apartment -post-it notes on my bathroom mirror, post-it notes on my bedside stand to wake up to, you name it a motivational quote was there. Honestly, those little reminders kept me going even on the days I said, “F YOU MOTIVATONAL QUOTE, F YOU.” (because let’s be honest, we all have those days). But this was just the start, all the motivational quotes to turn to.

Next, I told people about my goals (the important people, those closest to me). We aren’t just telling everyone our goals because not everyone wants to see you succeed, so be careful of who you share your deepest wants with. It is always great to have the people you love motivating you and encouraging you in your new journey. My people, my tribe would send me motivational messages, and sometimes those messages weren’t what I wanted to hear but what I needed to hear. Don’t surround yourself with “yes” people, they will get you nowhere. Surround yourself with those who motivate you even when you want to punch them in the face.

Motivation is a tricky subject. It comes and it goes. It never is always there and some days you have to fight really hard to keep it. But that’s the thing, FIGHT FOR IT. It won’t be easy, and I am not trying to tell you it is. Now you are thinking, “isn’t this called SIMPLY healthy fit?” (and please emphasize simply). Yes, you are correct. Simply is there because most aspects of this new lifestyle changes are quite simple, we just like to make it more difficult for ourselves. So, I am here to give you SIMPLE steps in order to get started. I am here to give you SIMPLE advice to help you get going. I am here to give you SIMPLE ideas to show you, it doesn’t have to be hard to make your change. Again, that doesn’t mean you won’t find hard times but with SIMPLE tips and advice you can change your perspective when those moments come up.

So, here are your 3 simple challenges for the week:

-       Find 5 motivational quotes and post them throughout your living space. I know what you are thinking, CHEESY. You’ll be surprised when you need that extra motivation and nobody is around, what those motivational quotes can do for you.

-       Find 3 people who are truly your people. Tell those people about your goals and be open about the help you are looking for. I told my people, “look, kick my ass in gear when I need it and that will be all the time. Appreciate you, mean it, thanks”.

-       Write down your WHY. Why you decided to start. Why you decided you needed to make a change for a better. What gave you the motivation to start. What motivation you’ll need to keep going. Let it all out, on paper. When we write down our goals and put it out into the universe wonderful things start to happen. And plus, you can look back at it when you are having one of those difficult days.

Enough of my ranting, raving and motivating. It is time to get going. Complete your 3 simple challenges and check back in with yourself frequently. Repeat these steps as often as needed and remember, motivation will come and go but never stop trying. Hang on tight and get ready to fight to keep that motivation around. Motivation will keep you going, I promise. Don’t give up on it.

6 Simple Topics, Maybe 7.

Hopefully, after our last talk, you got started with your lifestyle change -wherever that started for you, whatever it might look like for you. I encourage you to keep going, keep pushing, keep kicking butt. I know you might have fallen off a few times, but you can always get back up. You are capable, you are strong, you are courageous, and you are a lot farther than when you started. I am proud that you made the choice to start and grateful you came back.

Now, what do I have in store for you today? I love talking about things that people typically would not talk about. Struggles we all go through but keep them hidden away in a dark, safe place, in fear of being judged or embarrassed. Let me tell you something about myself, I am an open book. I love sharing my journey. I love being vulnerable and honest with my journey, struggles and pain. I believe these things are what shapes us, these are the things that make us stronger. These are the things that create a healthier, happier lifestyle. It can be very scary being honest and putting yourself out there, I completely understand. But how much more pain are you causing yourself by keeping it all tucked away? How much are you holding yourself back by not dealing with what is really going on? How much are you allowing another to control you by not sharing your truth? Who could you be inspiring to continue another day by sharing your journey? That is my whole goal after all -to create an environment where you feel safe, accepted and not alone. To create a place where you feel understood and loved.

I want to touch on 6 topics for my next 6 blogs. I believe these topics are the top ways to create a healthier lifestyle and to create a happier you. Now, there could be many more obvious things that create a healthy, happy lifestyle but these are the things I have found the most success in. These are the things that have helped in me, my journey. I am not here to tell you lose 50 pounds, eat grass, workout 4 hours a day and you’ll find happiness. Nope, you can get to where you want to be without being miserable. And who really works out for 4 hours a day?! Not a sane human (only kidding, don’t get offended. I am just saying 4 hours is a bit of an overkill).

So, over the next few blogs I will touch on my top 6 subjects that have transformed my life and as we continue our journey together, I will get deeper into each subject. Each subject is complex, but I don’t want you to be overwhelmed. So, I will briefly touch on each one and then, dive deeper as we go and grow, together.

-       Simple Steps: the steps you can take daily that don’t seem obvious but become obvious. Or the steps we ignore, either way we are talking about them.  

-       Self-Care/Love: the thing we should do but never do but NEED to do.

-       Motivation: the kind of motivation you need, not the kind that goes in one ear and out the other. Not the fake, over the top, cheesy stuff.

-       Spiritual: the thing nobody wants to talk about in fear of stepping on someone’s toes but want to talk about it but keep it bottled in. Shout it from the rooftops, whatever your beliefs are.

-       Workouts: simple, easy workouts that don’t kill you but get you started in the right direction. And don’t get it twisted, it’s more than going to the gym and lifting some weights.

-       Recipes: simple, easy, delicious recipes that will have you forgetting you wanted to go eat that overly priced fast food meal that only makes you feel guilty later.

-       In-betweens: sometimes you’ll find I get off subject, but I always come back. So, bear with me and get ready for a fun, exciting and thrilling ride. Remember I hold nothing back. If you are easily offended, these in-betweens may not be for you (this makes 7 subjects to discuss now, instead of 6. So, buckle up I just keep adding to the list).

I look forward to diving into each of these subjects with you. I am not your normal motivator. I am a realistic, broken human who just wants to help others the best she can (even if that means being a little forward and harsh). This is my journey and I am here to get you in-tune with who you really are and what you can really accomplish. Stop selling yourself short and start thriving to the hundredth and tenth degree. Nobody is going to do this for you, you must make the decision to start. Start with me, now. Right now. And don’t ever look back.

"Where Do I Start?"

“Where do I start?” -the number one question I always get. I get it, it can be overwhelming. Do you start with a new “diet”? FYI, I hate the word diet -diets don’t work. Diets are for 3-6 months and then, end. No, I prefer lifestyle change because it is not an option to go back to what you were doing before. Do you start with working out? Do you start with therapy? Do you start with eliminating people that have proved to be toxic in your journey? Do you start with a massage? Hey, self-care is just as important, always include self-care.

So many different options and ways to start your new lifestyle. I get it, it can be overwhelming to say the least. Here is my unprofessional advice, start where you feel comfortable. There is no step that will be easier than the other, so just start. Start small and keep building. People tend to fail, in my unprofessional opinion, when they create too many goals at once. “On Monday I will start with eating so good, working out 2 hours a day, reading more, watching TV less, taking time for myself and leaving all those toxic people behind me”. Don’t get me wrong those are some good things, but you don’t have to do it all at once. You don’t have to overwhelm yourself thinking you have to do it all now. Let me repeat myself, START SMALL.

This is a lifestyle change, there is no easy step or fix. There will be days you succeed, and you are killing it. There will be days where you see yourself fail and you are struggling to get back on track. I cannot give you a magic pill and you suddenly have the “perfect” life. Let me be clear, life will never be perfect. Don’t be fooled with what you see online. People show you what they want you to see. We all struggle more than we can comprehend, so let’s start being honest about it. Part of your lifestyle change helps you understand that life isn’t perfect, but that you can find happiness in the imperfections that life throws at you. This is a journey, not a race. Take your time and find your footing.

So, back to “where do I start?” question and it’s a good question. Start with where you need help the most. I would suggest writing out your goals -write out where you want to see yourself in 3 years. I know what you are thinking 3 years?! That is a long time. It’s not, we all know how time can fly by. Remember, this is a JOURNEY. We are not in a race with ourselves or others. Stop with that mindset right now. You must give yourself time, time to change and create healthier habits for yourself. The shorter the timeline the more likely you are to fail.

For me, I started with therapy. I needed to get my mind right. I was constantly putting myself down, especially when I messed up. I was closing myself off to new beginning (and shocker, had no idea I was doing this). I felt like I wasn’t strong enough or good enough to have better. Let me tell you, therapy is life changing. It helps you understand yourself better. What better way to start a lifestyle change then learning to understand and accept yourself?

Now, if therapy is not your vibes right now, all good. You can start with making small changes. Start with ONE goal every week, and I mean a small goal. That goal can be to wake up every day and repeat a positive affirmation to yourself 10 times. Positive affirmations help you create a self-love for yourself that is indescribable. Self-love is so important but more on that later. You can start with reading a passage from the bible and remembering God’s undying love for you. You can start with not eating fast food for breakfast but making a simple one at home before starting your day or week. There are so many ways you can get started, but you must make the choice to start.

Today, I will end with a list of ways you can get started. Remember, don’t let it overwhelm you. Start with one goal at a time, one day at time. And don’t start working on another goal until you have mastered your first goal. TAKE YOUR TIME.

-       Start with a positive affirmation, daily.

-       Drink more water.

-       Limit your fast food intake.

-       Read a positive, uplifting book (aka self-help book).

-       Go on a morning walk for 10 minutes. Take in that fresh air.

-       Go through your contacts and block those toxic people. You don’t need them.

-       Clean up your Facebook friends list. You don’t know 5,000 people.

-       Stretch 10 minutes a day.

-       Start meditating.

-       Try a new recipe twice a week.

-       Look into therapy.

-       Dedicate yourself to trying a new workout once a week.

-       Schedule yourself a facial.

-       Write out your goals (remember give yourself TIME. So important).

Again, these are just a few steps you can take. There are so many more, but I hope this helps get you started. I hope this encourages you to just simply start. It doesn’t have to be hard; it is quite simple, and I hope to show you this. I hope to show you getting started doesn’t have to be daunting or miserable. It is all about the simple action of starting and continuing to grow through all your successes and failures. You can do this. Remember, always KEEP GOING.

Welcome To Simply Healthy Fit.

Welcome to The Simply Healthy Fit Blog. My name is Monica and I am so excited you have decided to go on this journey with me. Living healthy doesn’t have to be boring, hard or confusing. It is quite simple, and I am here to, hopefully, help guide you in your own journey through sharing my experiences. I know what you are thinking, great another blog that tells me exactly what I should be eating, how to workout and give me some motivational quotes, that are suppose to change my life. Simply Healthy Fit is more than that. While I will be sharing those things, I will be diving deeper into what really creates a healthier, happier life.

I am not here to give you a step by step guide and if you follow it exactly you will find success. There is no step by step guide. There is no magic pill. There is no one step workout and you have your “dream” body. It comes from the inside. It comes from you deciding you want to make a change and then, making small steps to make those changes and never looking back. It is more than eating right and working out. It comes with taking care of yourself mentally, physically, spiritually and all the in-betweens that come along with those things.

The number one thing that leads to failure (in my opinion) is comparing ourselves to others and those non-realistic celebrities who love to tell us they hardly workout and eat whatever they want but have the “perfect” body (currently rolling my eyes and yelling “lies”). STOP RIGHT NOW. Stop comparing yourself to others. We were all created differently, and, to me, that is the most beautiful thing about this world. We are all different, unique and beautiful in our own special ways. It is time you start embracing that. The moment you start realizing your worth and loving yourself is the moment your life is going to change.

This is all about a lifestyle change, not a diet or 3-month subscription and going right back to your old ways. This is about creating a healthy lifestyle and living out that lifestyle for the rest of your life. Each journey and lifestyle are different, but through simple steps you can create the perfect one for you. I am here to share my journey through honesty and vulnerability. I am holding nothing back. And hopefully, through my honesty and vulnerability you can find the motivation, encouragement and inspiration to start your own lifestyle change. The change that makes you better in all aspects of your life -healthier mindset, healthier habits, healthier relationships, the list could go on and on. So, step into this journey with me and get ready to change your life in the most amazing ways possible. Let’s get healthy together!

A few things to look forward to:

-       Simple, Delicious Recipes

-       At Home Workouts

-       Positive Self-Care Habits

-       Creating Spiritual Strength

-       Learning how to move on from past hurts and pain

-       Leaving behind toxic people

-       Creating healthy friendships

-       Products that work and don’t work

-       AND SO MUCH MORE. GET READY.