I have been through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. A lot broke my heart, crushed my soul and tore me apart. But hear me when I say this, I am grateful because it fixed my vision and lead me to find my voice in a powerful way. I found my purpose, my will and passions for life. I learned to never hold back in how I feel, what I believe and who I am. I’ve allowed my highest of highs to continue to inspire me and I’ve allowed my lowest of lows to humble and teach me. Every moment of this life has a purpose. Do not belittle yourself to make others feel big. Do not lower your volume to amplify others. Your voice has a reason to be heard, to speak volumes and you do yourself no favors when you mute it.
Almost 3 years ago I found myself broken, scared and alone. All of the plans I had for myself, for my future no longer existed. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had allowed someone to put me in a corner and silence me. I allowed someone to take all that I was, destroy it and never look back. I found myself in a dark place that I wasn’t sure I was ever going to find my way out of; I wasn’t sure I wanted to. What was the point?
What was the point? Nobody would want me. I was damaged goods.
What was the point? Nobody would understand me. How could I allow such things.
What was the point? Everybody would think I was weak.
It was a lot that I was going to have to come back from and I didn’t think I had the fight left in me. I was silenced for so long, put on mute that I wasn’t sure how to get the volume back on. I was a broken remote control that needed new batteries.
I cannot tell you the exact moment it clicked for me but it did. It happened one morning where I realized I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. I had to stop wasting my moments on doubting myself and what I was capable of. I started to take my power back, one step at a time. I focused on my goals, my health, on myself. I failed many of times but this time when I did, I got back up. I didn’t allow failures and disappointments to keep me down. I looked at those moments and asked what they could teach me. I found new batteries for my life.
I started learning who I was and who I wanted to become. I slowly, day by day, started turning up my volume -one level at a time. And hear me when I say this, I was scared shitless. The last time I had a voice, I was silenced with mental and physical abuse. But did I want those moments to continue to define me and let the bad guy win? Hell no. I allowed myself to be scared because every emotion has validation but don’t sit there for too long. Feel what you need to feel, honor it and keep climbing. So, that’s exactly what I did. I kept climbing. I took the time to heal and become me again. My voice is no longer silenced. You can hear me from mountain tops even when it shakes the ground beneath me. I know I deserve to be heard, I know not everyone will understand and that’s okay. Life isn’t about pleasing others -life is about being exactly who you are, flaws and all.
Be you. Be fearless. Be brave. Be unapologetically authentic in this life. Turn your volume up and don’t ever let anybody silence you. Use your voice to say what you need to say, even when it seems too loud for others. You have a voice in this life and I encourage you to use it. Find your inner courage and say what you need to say, even if at times you feel like you might throw up (ME ALL THE TIME, LOL). You deserve to be heard. The lack of someone’s ability to understand or respect you, to want to silence you doesn’t speak on who you are but speaks on who they are. You are wonderfully made, don’t let that purpose go to waste by staying on mute. Find new batteries and turn yourself all the way up.
