Growing is hard. Growing means facing your demons. Growing means admitting you haven’t had the best experiences. Growing means being honest about what life has dealt you. Growing means being honest in who you are and laying every broken, shattered piece out on the table to be able to put back together again. Those pieces may never fit back the same way but you put those pieces back together to create a new picture. You put yourself back together stronger than before. Growing means taking action.
Domestic violence is something I never thought I would experience. I always told myself I would never allow someone to mistreat me. I would never allow someone to take advantage of me. I would never be “that girl”. But guess what? I ended up being that girl. I ended up being everything I said I would never be and I was beyond disappointed in myself.
Healing from abuse was hard because I had to admit I was in a position that wasn’t the best. Growing from the abuse was even harder because I had to do something about it. I had to physically get up every single day and make things happen for myself.
I didn’t want to do that.
I didn’t want anyone to see how broken I truly was.
I didn’t want to be judged or looked at differently.
I wanted to hide from the world.
I never thought I would heal but when I did start to heal, I started to see that growth I so desperately wanted and needed. I started to see my full potential. I started believing in myself again. I started loving myself. I started making things happen.
Of course there were days I did not want to get out of bed. I cried and screamed at God. I felt stuck. I felt like at such a young age that I let myself down. I let my parents down. I let the ones who cared about me down. I felt like a burden to those around me. I gave up a part of me to something that was suppose to be my forever. Disappointment, angry, regret and sadness were feelings I felt almost every single day.
But what happens when you are growing? You make life happen anyways and that’s exactly what I did. Through all of my doubts and harsh realities, I decided to show up and put in the work and it was hard. I showed up even on the days that I really felt life would be better if I wasn’t here. And this isn’t to make you feel sorry for me, but this is to show you healing and growing are two things that take work. Genuine hard work. Hard work on yourself and the life you want to make for yourself after the trauma.
Healing was the easier of the two.
I was able to talk about my letdown.
I was able to share my experience.
I was able to let go of my fears.
I was able to say how I got to this place.
Growing was the harder of the two.
I had to physically take action.
I had to fight to get out of bed, every day.
I had to put my goals into action now.
I had to do something.
The best decision I ever made in this journey was to plant the seed.
Water it. Love it. Care for it. Put in the work. And watch it grow.
There is no growing without the healing.
One may be hard than the other.
But that’s what it’s all about, right?
The work and dedication to being a better you.
You work hard. You never give up.
You fight for the life you know you deserve.
Because sometimes in this life…
You go through it.
But…
You heal.
You grow.
You conquer.
