Learn to say “no” and put yourself first without apologizing, feeling guilty and beating yourself up about it.
I am GUILTY of this. I say “yes” to everyone and everything. I hate saying no because I feel like I am letting people down and I want to be everywhere for everyone, all the time. I want to be apart of the magical moments, the important moments, the fun moments and all the in-between moments. Before I realize it, I have overcommitted myself and now, realize I cannot be everywhere at once and so now, I am letting people down. I am having to cancel here to make it to there. I am racing from place to place, timing out every stop as to not be late to my next one. By the end of the day, I have exhausted myself and while I made everyone else happy, I have neglected to make myself happy. The dishes and laundry aren’t done, grocery shopping is, yet again, pushed back and I barely have the energy to shower to get ready for the next work week. We have all been there, so how do we say “no” and not apologize for it?
It’s simple, so here it goes…JUST SAY NO. Seriously, just say no. You cannot be everywhere at once, you cannot do everything at once, you most certainly cannot please everyone, so stop trying to do it. Stop allowing others to make you feel guilty for simply saying, “no” -trust me, they have no problem telling you no, if something more important comes their way (even if that means them staying at home). We have to learn to start giving our best “yes” and our absolute, no guilt “no”.
You should not have to explain yourself when you say “no”. If it requires an explanation, then understand the person demanding one is selfish and doesn’t deserve one. No means no, you do not owe an explanation to anybody. Your time is just as valuable as to whatever they are asking you to take time to go do, and if you simply don’t have the time, you DO NOT have the time. If you planned on staying in, cuddling with your dog, binge watching your favorite serial killer tv show (no? just me?) and relaxing, then stick to those plans. Those plans of self-care are just as important to your health -attending every social event will drain you, learn to slow down.
You should not have to apologize when saying “no”. You owe nobody an apology for putting yourself first. You owe nobody an apology for having prior plans and not being able to make their plans fit into yours. People are very quick to “want” but when “want" is needed in return, they are nowhere to be found. So, do not apologize for saying “no”. If the person is getting upset because you simply cannot make whatever it is they want to work, then re-evaluate that situation and relationship. Nobody who truly cares and understands you, would get upset and need an apology to feel better about themselves and make you feel less than for having your own life.
You should not feel guilty for saying “no”. Stop with the guilt-trips, second-guessing your decisions and upsetting yourself for putting you first. There comes a time when you have to stop trying to please everyone else and put yourself first. What makes you happy? What creates a positive mental head space for you? Is it staying at home? Is it reading a good book? Is it going for a brisk run? Is it trying something new? Joining a new club in the neighborhood? Whatever it is, do it! Do it for you and nobody else. Start putting you and your health first. You can’t give your best “yes”, if you aren’t healthy enough to say it with sincerity in your heart. So, start learning to say “no” with no apology, guilt or explanation.
