The relationships we create with others says a lot about who we are as people. It says a lot about our expectations, our values, beliefs and where we are headed. I know what you are thinking (maybe), “this seems a bit dramatic”. But give me a moment/chance to explain. The relationships you create determine where you are headed and what you are accomplishing. If you’re goal is to create a healthier lifestyle for yourself then please read this blog carefully. This is another important step to evaluate. So, please bear with me and keep reading.

For this blog, we are talking about intimate relationships. Relationships where you are sharing your life with a special someone -boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc. Those people that we decide to let into our lives (the most secret, vulnerable, special places in our lives), we need to make sure we are choosing people who respect those parts of us. People that are loving us, respecting us and growing with us because if you don’t have that, sorry to say, you have nothing with that person. You need to make sure you are choosing people that see you for you, see you for the beauty you are and the beauty you are trying to become. People that are real, authentic and add value to your life. This person should never be your “reason” or be there to “complete” you. You are not a half, you are already whole (if you don’t feel this, I suggest reading my last blog or talking with someone further about this -possibly a therapist?). This person will add value to your life and choose to grow with you. I am not saying they need to be growing exactly as you are trying to, so respect their journey and where they need to grow.

I want to touch base on a few things when it comes to choosing a partner that adds to your life, that cherishes the shit out of you and chooses to accept you. They may not fully understand you, don’t expect them to. Be patient and help them to understand to some capacity. We will not always understand each other but we can help each other and still have a fruitful, healthy relationship. So, moving on.

- Find someone who understands you are trying to grow in new, healthy ways. If the person you choose, puts you down, questions you or halts your growth -let them go. They have no room in your life. You are trying to create a healthy life and environment for yourself, if someone doesn’t value or understand that, they are not the one. Don’t be with someone who tries to keep you where you are. Find someone who encourages you, lifts you up and never questions you trying to better yourself. Toxic people will create toxic behavior, don’t let them have that kind of power over you. Kick them to the curb immediately.

- Find someone who wants to grow right along with you. They don’t have to have the same goals, ambitions or dreams (because we all are striving after something different and don’t get these things confused with values and beliefs) but the fact they want better, is a good sign of a healthy person. A person who wants to grow in their own journey and wants to help you as well, is worth keeping around. Understand that everyone is growing constantly, we are constantly evolving -so choose the person who doesn’t want to stay in the same place because someone who chooses not to grow themselves will keep you from growing.

- Find someone who is trying to heal their pain from past traumas and hurts. People who continue to hold on to past hurts will hurt you. They let their past dictate how they behave and how they treat others. I hate to say but those people are not the ones you want. Don’t get me wrong we all have past hurts and traumas. But there is a huge difference in working through those hurts and letting it be an excuse to treat people like shit. Choose the people who are willing to work through these moments in healthy ways. This could be through therapy, through support groups, whatever it is, make sure they are truly wanting to heal themselves. I have been in a relationship where someone let their past dictate being a shitty, abusive person -do NOT let anybody make this a reason they treat you like shit and justify it with “the past” or a 100th “sorry”. Either they want to heal and grow, or they want to stay where they are -if they choose the latter you need to walk away. You are not obligated to heal anybody that doesn’t want to heal themselves.

- Find someone who wants the same things out of life that you do -meaning marriage, kids, religion, etc. If you want kids but they don’t, don’t waste your time trying to convince them that they do. If values, beliefs and morals do not align, do not stay. I promise these things come into play, and eventually someone is going to start holding that bitter pill of resentment. Make sure you are aligned with your person. Make sure you are not trying to convince them of anything. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, waste your time with someone who doesn’t want the same future as you.

Okay, I feel like that is enough for now. I could go on and on with this topic -I have been through a shitty relationship or two. I have been that person who compromises and puts others before myself. I have seen myself lose who I created and wanted to be, in order to make the other person “happy”. I have been the person who was pushed around physically and mentally because my feelings pissed them off. I have been the person who was called “stupid”, “unreasonable”, “crazy” and “disgusting” because I chose to have emotions. I have been told I am “too independent”, “too much” and “too much of a strong person” -that is someone who is weak and knows they can’t control you, so they try to make you feel guilty for being you. One day, I woke up and decided I wanted different, I wanted more for myself. And I left, I left those situations and I have never looked back. I have grown and I have learned more than I can type. But my goal isn’t to scare you, I am here to help you -wherever you are. Whether you need to leave that shitty relationship and you needed a sign, this is your sign. Whether you need to take the leap and let an amazing partner in and share your life with, this is your sign to be optimistic and take a risk. Or maybe you just needed a better understanding of what it is you need to look for, this is your sign to never settle.

Choose healthy, fruitful, positive relationships. Leave those behind who choose to bring you down. You are worthy of the right kind of love. And if you have the right kind of love in your life, keep fighting, keep growing and don’t ever let go. Cherish your partner, love your partner and grow with your partner. You both deserve the goodness each other has to give to one another. You should never have to question other’s intentions. You should never have to wonder if you are enough. True, healthy relationships take work but you will never have to question the love and commitment they have for you. Wherever you are, keep going and don’t lose hope.